Johnny 505: the Test-Drive Conclusion

I just got an email from one of my fellow test-drivers about whether or not I will be keeping Johnny 505. This was my reply:


"After all my bluster about the ereader market being outrageous I still ended up keeping mine. I thought about holding out for one of the new ones with wireless and all that, but I like task specific gadgets. Especially when it comes to reading.

When it came down to it, the convenience of having 100+ books at my fingertips - be I at work, commuting, or just lying in bed - was the main draw for me. While I will continue to purchase paper copies of books I truly enjoy (I don't want to end up the technological age equivalent of the gentleman from Twilight Zone's "Time Enough at Last"), most of my "looking for something to read" purchases will be done for my Sony505."

Open Letter to E-Reader Manufacturers

Dear e-reader maker:

Congratulations, you have decided to enter the exciting market of e-reading! We are sure that you will remember all the things that made reading so popular in the past and use new technologies to make reading available to a wide variety of new consumers. We look forward to hearing how you are improving the literary world and to the revolutionary ideas that are sure to follow your undertaking.

What’s that? You are going to make reading a luxury good available only to those with shitloads of expendable resources? I see; the reader technologies are expensive to create. That’s no problem. With such a high entry price for the reading device, you can offset this by having lower prices on books. Without the physical price of publishing the book – paper, ink, other manufacturing costs like, I don’t know, very large warehouses – you can offer readers a reading experience that will eventually pay off in the long run...

You’re going to charge the same price for an e-book as a regular book? What could possibly be the logic behind that? You don’t have the same manufacturing costs! It costs exactly the same to create one e-book as a million. Ctrl-C, Ctrl-P. Voilà, a new copy of the e-book. I realise there is a set cost for original production: editors, proof-readers, and don’t forget to pay your authors! But, really, how can you justify charging the same price for an electronic version as one you have to print, bind, store and ship?

Seriously, we are going to start this experience with a $200+ entry cost for the reader, then pile on top of that there is a minuscule difference in the price of books? I’m basically paying you $200+ to change my reading experience? Honey, I’m not going to pay you a hundred dollars just to change my reading experience. You might talk me out of fifty.

Oh, I see, your reader exactly mimics my known reading experience up to and including more shades of grey than I ever knew existed. So my reading experience hasn’t actually changed. Okay, I guess that as far as storage goes owning an ebook is definitely...

Wait, what? I don’t actually own my books? My books always belong to the company/publisher from which they are purchased and in the event of a product ‘recall’ my books can be taken away? You want me to pay the same price for books I will not even own?

Are you on crack?

Let’s summarise. I have to pay $200+ to join this reading experience. I then pay the same price for an e-book as I would for a paper. However, if at some point in the future the author of my literary erotica (for example) decides to run for congress, they can reach out and remove all of their works from my e-libraries.

Again, are you on crack?

I would love to jump on the e-reader bandwagon with you, but you need to pull your heads out of your asses and wizen up to the absolutely ridiculous market you’ve created.

Until then, screw you,
Hugs and Kisses,
The Heroine

Final Review for Johnny 505

I read somewhere that the ancient Greeks had dozens of different words for types of love. There was brotherly love, romantic love, the love one feels for a battlefield comrade, etc. I’m not sure what the word is for the love one feels for an electronic reading device – but I’d bet it has ‘kos’ in it somewhere.

The reader does what it says on the box, and it does it (almost) perfectly. It’s easy to use, mostly intuitive, and very sleek and very very pretty. Actually, after the chorus of angels finished their refrain of ‘ah-ah-ah-ah-ah’ when the box was opened one alighted on my shoulder to mutter a cooing ‘aww...’. I’ve found I can read about a thousand pages worth of text before I lose the first bar. The final bar lasts right around that, maybe 850 pages. This is an easier way for me to gauge the battery than time as I tend to read during breaks, only 15-20 minutes at a time. The only reason it gets an (almost) perfect, rather than a perfect is that there is sometimes a significant lag when you ask it to turn a page. If I own a device that is meant to perform only one function, I want it to perform that function in a timely manner.

The Sony e-store software is very slow, but the interface is easy to use. It could be much better, and I look forward to a revamp when they release the new line of readers. However, if you are not running Windows, you are SOL in regards to your reader.

I made the switch back in July to Ubuntu which is a Linux based OS. Also, it’s awesome . The Sony e-library software is worse than useless on it however. The recommended alternative, Calibre, was supposed to be the best program for your reader evah! Instead, I got an obsessive, controlling, and manipulative program who wanted oversight over my every reading need. Not cool, Calibre, not cool.

I kind of wish there were a way to just go to a bookstore and wave my 505 in front of the book I wanted and voilà! It will be on it. That may take out some of the ‘convenience’ of it though. I don’t know. If I were smart enough to solve these problems I’d be a whole lot richer than I am.

The thing is... when I’m not trying to put books on it, buy ebooks, or deal with my 505 in relation to another piece of hardware – it’s the most amazing gadget I’ve ever had the pleasure to use. It’s so convenient and I cannot tell you how great it is to be able to change books in the middle of a workday because the first lost my attention. The reader just lives in my purse, holding all the wonders of the world.

If all of the problems I have with the actual ownership of the reader were overcome (starting with the price, good god!) I would gladly purchase three of these. I’d be the coolest nerd in the archaeology department, not a difficult title to hold actually. As it is, I shall yearn for the days I can justify owning one as it is still definitely a luxury good and my student loans think I’m an idiot for even considering shelling out the moolah for something I don’t really need.

But man oh man, I want.

Update 29 Sept 2009: As I am not taking out a loan for my MSc (as I'm not doing my MSc), I went ahead and bought Johnny. Save 20k, spend a hundred bucks. not a bad trade. Insert picture of us running through fields of wildflowers here.

Calibre

[Click to embiggen]

Here's what I want from a program. To do what I want it to do and not a bit more. I keep my computer's records immaculate. Everything on my computer is labeled, cross-referenced and categorised. My life may be a mess, but my computer knows where it's at. I do not need for you to take over my book collection. I can do that myself Calibre.

Do not offer to erase everything from my computer just because I want to erase it from your database. I do not need you to run my life or to arrange it for me.

I do not need this Calibre! I'm sure that deep down you're a very nice program, but you're coming across a little manipulative and creepy. If you were my library boyfriend you'd be Edward from Twilight.

J:505

So Calibre... Calibre... I cannot use the Sony software on my Ubuntu laptop. They do not mix (see the previous J:505 comic). As an alternative, there is this amazing "amazing" software called Calibre that does the work of ten Sony stores, plus two!

I have more to say about Calibre, but I'm going to leave it for the next comic because... well... you'll see. That comic is drawn, but the file got corrupted. Should be up tomorrow.

Flying

There is much to say about my vacation to sunny southern California. The most important is the sad state of the American education system particularly when it comes to Airport security.

I shall explain.

I had to go through airport security exactly twice on my trip, once on each end. I am a seasoned traveler, an international connoisseur of airport security if you will. By far, the best airport security in the world is at London Heathrow Airport. They are quick, the are efficient and they know what the fuck they are doing.

None of the airports on my vacation knew how to accomplish any of those things.

Part One: It's not a Liquid

For backstory, my cheapest airport to fly out of from home is this podunk operation where livestock can delay a landing and the personnel feel as though the safety of the nation rests on their shoulders. It is small, small, small. On my flight outbound, I was carrying all my luggage as it’s only a week’s worth of vacation and the silly buggers at the airline want to charge me to check baggage. In my luggage was a cake and a container of icing as it was my mother’s birthday and celebrations would be in order.

I did not expect the Great Icing Fiasco of 2009.

“Ma’am, all liquids must be in containers of a maximum of three ounces.”

I look to my baggie of liquids (and seriously, we all know how ridiculous that whole thing is) and they are in 3oz containers. He points at my frosting.

“Ma’am, you’re going to have to either put that in a smaller container or throw it away.”

You have got to be shitting me. At this point, hand to Cthulhu, I was looking for hidden cameras – like maybe I was on best dumb airport security moments.

“That’s not a liquid.”

“I’m sorry ma’am but you’re going to have to either repackage it somehow or leave it behind.”

“That’s not a liquid. It’s frosting.”

“Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you not to take that tone. You cannot pass through security with this.”

“But it’s not a liquid! I mean, really, it’s not.”

At this point we have attracted the attentions of the one other person in the security area. “What’s going on here?” says Doofus2.

I point, “That is not a liquid.”

Doofus1 and Doofus2 confer over my can of frosting. Seriously. People in line (all three of them), begin to join in. There is no sending people around me. I have the full attention of the only two guys on duty.

“Dude, let her through.”

“It’s a can of frosting, she’s not going to hijack anything with it.”

“Let us through!”

“Ma’am, the rules are quite specific. We cannot let you onboard the aircraft with this liquid.”

“It’s not a liquid!”

This argument could have gone one forever. It was only a buck fifty can of frosting, but it wasn’t a liquid and I sure as hell was taking it to California now. However, two events happened simultaneously. One, the two Doofuses superior showed up and two, he arrived.

You ever see those Dos Equis commercials with the most interesting man in the world? This was that guy.

“Excuse me, might I be of some assistance?”

Had anyone else stepped forward, I think the Doofuses would have had them arrested. They were about ready to have me arrested and put on the no-fly list, I swear.

Quite calmly, TMIMITW gestured to my frosting. “Icing such as that exists as an amorphous solid, a sub-state of solid matter.* It is not, in fact a liquid.”

The Doofuses and their supervisor looked at him. They looked at each other. Finally, the supervisor made an executive decision. “As long as it hasn’t been opened, let it through.”

I do not know why TMIMITW was in Louisiana. I don’t know why he was on my flight. I just know that he is awesome.

*Also, yeah, he was totally making that up. I Wikied that shit. But you know what? That makes him even more awesome in my book.

Part Two: If it looks like a computer and quacks like a computer....

After my outbound flight, I felt sure nothing could top it. I mean, this is Los Angeles, not Louisiana, surely they will be the efficient, capable security staff I always hope for.

Alas... they were not.

All things went as planned for the most part. My computer goes through without a hitch, as do my bags. However, in my bag, is Johnny 505. Oh the chaos you have caused.

It seemed to go well to start. I wasn’t stopped for any suspicious (and delicious!) containers. I was putting my laptop away and found myself the object of airport security scrutiny.

“Is that a Kindle?”

I bristled on behalf on Johnny and corrected him. “Actually, it’s a Sony ereader. Same concept,” at this point maternal pride took over. I flipped the cover open and turned it on, “See how well the text shows up?”

The security guy made appropriate ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’. Of course, this was way too good to be true. We caught the non-cool guy’s attention.

“Ma’am, all computers need to go through the x-ray machine separately.”

“That’s not a computer, it’s and ereader.” Deja vu anyone? I’ve totally done this before.

Luckily, before we could restart my Vaudevillian act again, my ereader admirer came to my defence. “We don't send iPods through. Same thing.” He handed me back my ereader, “Have a nice day ma’am.”

Aw, I was kind of hoping the most interesting man in the world would show up again.

Walkin' on Sunshine (oh-oh-oh)

I had such dreams of a Lovelace/Johnny 505 pairing. I was prepared to ship Ubuntu/Sony.

My dreams are crushed.

J:505

So... I just got a new laptop. I love my new laptop. My new laptop is named Lovelace.

Johnny 505 does not love my new laptop.

My new laptop has no idea what this strange thing plugged into it is.

(Click to embiggen, it's hard to read at this size)

Based on how other Smart Bitches have handled operating systems outside of Windows, I know how to fix this...

I think.

Johnny and I go to the Beach

So... my pale self and I decided that a trip to the beachfront was in order. No, I don't know why I felt that sunny California and my lily white skin would be a good combination. It is a family vacation, my brother and I are flying in to see Mom, I had no choice really. And there are worse things in life than staying on Sunset Island, a three minute walk from the ocean.

Anyways, further updates about my vacation (and the fact that SPF50 is a freakin' lie) will be forthcoming. But for the moment, let me tell you about Johnny on the beach.

To start, all I brought was the ereader. No cables, no computer to hook it up to, just the ereader. So if the batteries go, I’m totally screwed. I will say that I did not take into account that on my vacation I might be required to interact with family and thus, not actually a whole lot of time for reading. I promise, Johnny, I will pull myself away from the Wii and play with you soon.

I had thought that sand and sun would be a problem, and sand definitely is. Or would be if I took him out of his protective zip-lock condom. I have sand in places I didn’t even know I had. I’m also a little afraid to open the condom as there is a string of sand along the seam that will not go away. Yet lo unto those who leave their reader out in the sun. Turned on. It shall burn the letters into the screen, which was not cool at all. Luckily, I didn’t leave it for very long so by futzing a bit with a few pages and turning it on and off a couple of times I managed to get rid of the after image. But don’t be me people, the cover is a wonderful and useful device that should by applied at all times.

[Afternote: So, dumb me, I never even tried the following. I put the cover on while the ereader was in the zip-lock. Worked like a charm. Ereader safe and secure, with cover. We are go for beach, I repeat we are go for beach.]

You can lag it up your...

Here is how I (am forced to) read on the Sony. When I get to the last line on the page, I hit the page turn button. Around the time I’ve finished the page is about the time the page actually turns. This is especially annoying as I’m only viewing one page at a time and thus run into this problem every fifteen seconds or so.

Why is this happening? It’s not like my laptop, which does god only knows what in the background while I work. You have one function Johnny. Sometimes, the lag is so long I question whether I hit the button and hit it again, thus skipping a page when Johnny 505 finally rouses himself from his stupor. I know I have an older model ereader. I know that my computer is slow thus the lag in the Sony estore, while frustrating, is understandable.

But when you are acting on your own, you should not have processing problems! You are performing one job! If my book is boring you hum or something, don’t play solitaire in the background and eat up the processing power. Johnny 505! I am talking to you young man ereader!

On a slightly brighter note, I used Johnny nearly a week before he lost a single bar on his battery indicator. So that’s cool…

But it does not let you off the hook for the page-turn lag sir! Don’t sass me! Go to your room!

If I kill someone over this, I'm going to blame the entire collection of Smart Bitches.

Also see the origin of Johnny 505, the second comic, and some text-based Sony eReader observations.

RTFM

Text-based Johnny 505 observations:

The Sony readers are apparently not the easiest thing to set up. Besides the completely awful layout of the paper instructions (serious, it's like a meter square), they were misleading. Several people who have attempted to set up their test driving e-readers have had trouble.

I didn't read them. I don't read manuals until something goes wrong. Sometimes this has led me into trouble. (Remind me to tell you the story of the day I got HAL's new internal DVD drive) Most times, and with most of today's technology, you can plug in and go. That actually really impressed me with Johnny. Plugged him in, loaded the software, and away we went.

Now the software. The ebook Library software sucks so hard. It's slow, which may be HAL's fault - he is six years old poor guy which is like 114 in people years, and there is no intuitive way to back-navigate. While I can get to where I want to go, when I want to go where I've been I run into roadblocks. There is a back button, but it applies to the entire program. So if, say, I click between the store and my reader, when I go back to the store the back button takes me to my reader, rather than where I was in the store. Some people are using Calibre software, and I shall be looking into this. But for the moment, and in the spirit of the test-drive, I'd rather use the software Sony gives us for a while first.

And hey, there should be way of marking books on your reader you have read. When I'm at work looking throught the library for something to read, I'd like to bypass to things I have yet to read. Or books I started and didn't finish.

Also, while I do have bad eyesight, my reading vision is 20/20. Yet I still have to zoom in at least once to comfortably read. You only get three options and the ones that are truly comfortable mean that you have to click through to the next page every few sentences. With the page-turn lag on the reader, this is annoying as all hell.

Still, these are mostly nitpicks that would make my experience better but aren't necessarily dealbreakers for me. I'm still desperately in love with Johnny.

For further Sony 505 lovin', see J:505 comic number one and two.

J:505

For those of you who don't use the Sony ebook store, those swirly arrows spell doom. They are the 'waiting' symbol the store uses and I feel like I spend a goodly portion of my day looking at them spin and spin and spin...

They mock me.

But Johnny rocks nevertheless. My paper books are going to stage a coup d'etat.

Go to SBTB now. You too may win awesome things.

But mine will be awesomer.

Why Smart Bitches *Rock*

So let me tell you what’s up with me. A couple of weeks ago, my first favourite blog decided to do a ‘lendaway’. It wasn’t really a giveaway because we don’t get to keep what we were given. They called it a ‘test drive’.

Of what, you may ask? Oh my dear gentle reader, a Sony 505. It's an e-reader. You know how you never realise how wrong things are in your life until they go right? This experience has been totally like that,

[click image to embiggen]

(No, that wasn’t artistic exaggeration, angels actually did sing when I opened the box. Serious.)

Yes, I have, currently in my possession a Sony 505. And it is awesome. I’ve only had it like eight hours (six of those I spent at work), and I can still say without qualification, it is awesome. I started reading The Patchwork Girl of Oz at work because a) I read ‘Skin Horse’ and wanted some background for Unity* and b) I totally cleaned out the selection of free books the Sony store offers. Rock on.

Check out Smart Bitches, Trashy Books [also in the sidebar] if you get a chance, and check back with me for further J:505 adventures. (Yes, I did name it Johnny 505 so I could make a 'Johnny 5 is alive' joke at some point in the future. Hush.)

To the Smart Bitches themselves, you rock so fully. I love you so much.

*If you don’t know what that means, see ‘Webcomics you should be reading’ on the sidebar