How Victoria Dahl is making me lose my hair

I would like to tell you a story about how one of my favorite authors and twitter compatriots caused me to lose about 10 inches of hair.

On Monday evening I was browsing through the twittervese, as one does, and came across this post by the great Victoria Dahl:

Which Piqued my curiosity. It leads here and eventually got me to this image...

This of course prompted several more minutes (hours) of casually browsing through Ms Dahl's tumblr searching for more interesting things (more pictures of hot mostly naked scruffy men). While I was wandering through this tumblr, I came across this post: http://victoriadahl.tumblr.com/post/30362185369/for-those-of-you-wholl-be-reading-close-enough-to which had this picture as it's centerpiece...

Now I dye my hair approximately that color of red to start with (a bit darker maybe), and have been looking into getting non-natural highlights for a while and thought to myself, maybe I should do something in that color scheme?

And then I shrugged and went to bed because that's what you do when you see shit on tumblr at 11:30 on a Monday night.

The next day I was out to lunch and thought, "I should cut my hair. I should get that exact haircut." I called a salon and within a fifteen minutes I was looking at this:

This was only the first cut and within a few minutes more I had lost around 10 inches in overall length. My stylist used an electric razor at the back of my neck and my hair in a ponytail used to fall well below my shoulders. That's how short we're talking.

And when it was all said and done I walked out of the salon feeling deeply confused by what happened. Am I really so susceptible to suggestion that someone whom I like and admire posting on tumblr will cause me to make a massive overhaul to my personal appearance? 

Am I really such a pushover that if someone shows me something pretty I have to go out right this moment and get it without thinking about it for more than thirty minutes?

Am I really that person?

Yes. Yes I am. Apparently.

But guys, I have to tell you. I look fabulous.

** This has more volume than I've been styling it with (the stylist and I were messing around) and I went with teal instead of purple as the highlight color.

Human Rights Campaign

Look I get it, changing your profile pic is easy. It's a way to show support without actually having to go out and, you know, work at supporting something. I'm not saying it's bad, I'm saying that if you took the ten seconds out of your day to do that - think back and see where you took the next amount of time out to do something that might actually affect a change. This is a start, but please sit down for a moment and think about why you did it before you pat yourself on the back for being supportive.

There's really only two reasons for changing your profile pic to support a cause - because you want to raise awareness of an issue or because you want to let people know where you stand on an issue.

If the former, I doubt there's that many people who don't know that LGTB rights are an issue so who exactly are we trying to raise awareness in?

If the latter - if you're friends don't know where you stand on the defining civil rights issue of our generation - then you are doing something TERRIBLY wrong with your life and this is not the way to rectify that.

This kind of "activism" all too often takes the place of real people trying to make real changes happen. If you support LGBT rights, then write to your politicians, call them on the phone, organize or participate in a march in real life - because regardless of how much time we all spend online these communities are still seen as fringe by most people in positions of power.

Actively engage people in debate and stand so tall and proud on your principles that people can't help but acknowledge what you know is right.

This right here though? If this is all you're doing? Then this is just plain laziness.

So yeah, my two cents. There you have it.

(And as a sidenote, if you identify as an "ally" and are looking for a way to customize the pic, make it something "cool" or more indicative of you - then you are missing the point by such a wide margin I don't even know where to start.)

The Wheel of Time turns...

I don’t remember the day I picked up Eye of the World. I wish I could. I remember begging my mother every Saturday for a month to take me to Barnes and Noble for the next, and after hearing me begin my begging by the following Wednesday purchasing the next two on every subsequent trip. I don’t know how many floors I vacuumed or cars I washed to earn those books but it could have been the whole apartment complex and I wouldn’t have cared.

It was fifteen years ago, and it was the first fantasy novel I had ever read - it would be five years before I even thought to read Lord of the Rings, and then only because the cover quote for Wheel of Time makes the comparison. Path of Daggers would come out later that year – it’s the first book I can ever remember waiting for and I nearly passed out from fury when my mom suggested I wait until it came out in paperback. Paperback? That would be months. Maybe even a whole year. I would die. I would just die if I had to wait to find out what happened to Elayne and Nynaeve after escaping with the Bowl of Winds. Who saved Rand in Shadar Logoth as he fought Sammael? Did a building just fall on Mat?

(Of course, I’d have to wait for Winter’s Heart to discover the answer to the last and boy was I pissed.)

Wheel of Time had become my life at this point. My DiabloII characters were all named for WoT characters. I began to wear a kesiera (or at least as close as I could make to one) everywhere and my Freshmen photos were 10x more awkward than they needed to be as a result.

Two more Wheel of Time books came out while I was in High School, and I panicked a little when I went to college overseas and worried I would not be able to get the next. By the time Knife of Dreams did come out I was broke. So broke I bought, read it over a weekend, and had to return it on Monday. It was literally that or not eat for the week and I was more than willing to risk that if it came to it.

What I do remember clearly is the day that Robert Jordan died. I remember crying. Not for the man – I didn’t know him to know if he was worth crying over – I cried for his books. I cried for these characters who were now lost. Maybe he had planned to kill them all off, maybe the Dark One was intended to win… it didn’t matter. I would never know the answer and more importantly – neither would they. They would never know if their world survived, or their hopes and dreams came to fruition.

I didn’t cry for myself, I cried for their world.

Anger would come later. Why had Jordan allowed the series to stretch so long? If he’d dropped out this character or that character (always characters I myself didn’t particularly like) then he could have been done with it ages ago. 

I didn’t want to have anything to do with the series anymore. It would never be finished, what was the point. I don’t think I even knew Sanderson had taken the series on until the day I saw Gathering Storm at a bookstore. I wish someone had taken a picture of me in that moment. It was like being transported into an alternate dimension and discovering I was Batman. I was stunned. How was this possible and who was this “Brandon Sanderson” person? Who authorized this?

I picked it up with trepidation. I opened to the first page and it was like I was back in that first month when I started Wheel of Time for the first time. The legends of the first 11 books had faded a bit by this time but I couldn’t make myself stop to refresh.  The Wheel of Time turns and I couldn’t risk getting hit by a bus before finishing.

(I’m not sure what greater seal of approval I could give for Sanderson than to say that before I had even finished Gathering Storm I had bought every Sanderson book that had ever been published and they were waiting, patiently, for me to get to them.)

Life was right again, the world was right again.

I choked up when Sanderson announced he had finished A Memory of Light, and even more so the day I placed my pre-order. Over Thanksgiving I began my re-read of the entire series, only my second since starting the series that long ago day. 

The books are different now. Characters I hated before, or were bored by, were changed through the eyes of an adult. I will not pretend that thirteen year old me was less than she was, but she was a shadow of the woman she would become. A woman that Wheel of Time had no small part in making her.

Wheel of Time taught me that women could be powerful. That it was as natural and right as a man being so. It taught me that everyone has their own strengths, and that finding people who can complement your strengths and call you out on your foolishness is the only way to accomplish anything in this world. That there is someone out there who will love you for exactly who you are, and someone who will want to see you be your absolutely best and it doesn’t actually matter who you choose as long as you’re happy with the choice.

That people are born good – but anyone can be tempted to evil.

It’s been fourteen books, over 4 million words and fifteen years and I am about to start on the last book – no, the final book. Final is the right word. It’s not just that this one is last, it is the end of an era for me, and the finality of it is total.

It doesn’t matter if Memory of Light is good or bad, if ends how I want or if it leaves me dissatisfied. It has been a wild ride and I have enjoyed every minute of it.

Thank you Mr Jordan for your dream – and you Mr Sanderson for seeing it through to the end. You have both exceeded my wildest expectations and I am deeply joyed to have the opportunity to finish this journey.

The stupidest company in the world...

I am a big fan of Game of Thrones and have been looking forward to watching Season 2 since they announced it was being picked up last year.

I don't have cable, so in order to watch it on my TV I'd have to pay for an entire cable package, plus HBO on top of it. They have HBOgo, which is their online arm, but it is only available to people who subscribe to HBO through a cable network.

HBOgo's infrastructure is already entirely setup. Selling it to someone requires only a link to sign up and give credit card details. Nothing further, but HBO won't do this. You have to go through a cable provider (which are becoming more and more obsolete as the internet progresses anyway).

And that's it. That's the only option. Game of Thrones is not available anywhere else but through HBO.

Oh, I could torrent it. Be a pirate. In fact everyone I know is doing just that because none of us have cable. Why would we? We have youtube and 90% of what's on TV is either horrible, or available to watch online somewhere for a fee or even free with adverts. I'm cool with that. I will pay what I deem fair for something I enjoy. But I will not pirate something I support, because that's a very good way to ensure that what you support will cease to be made.

I honestly do not understand HBOs logic here. A subscription is a subscription, what does it matter if it's through comcast or suddenlink or their own website? This whole system is just encouraging me to pirate for the first time ever - and at my age and in this time that is saying a lot. (I don't even download music.)

In short, what we're talking about is a company refusing to make money by selling a service to people - a service they can sell at no additional costs to themselves. It makes absolutely no sense from a business perspective. None.

Therefore, by the power invested in my by the gods of the internets I hereby proclaim HBO to be:

(If you're wondering, I managed to watch it last year because my brother had HBO.)

Microsoft

I am trying to turn my laptop into a dual-boot. Keeping Ubuntu on one-side and installing Microsoft on the other. For all my love for Ubuntu - I have a laundry list of products that don't support using anything but Windows and thus - here I am.

I am, however, having problems installing Windows 7. I was warned that the 3-pack of installations that my father bought had buggy product keys and that I was going to have to call in order to have it fixed. I was not looking forward to this, but whatever. We use Windows 7 at school and I rather like it, so let's do this.

My phone call to Microsoft - with a VERY SPECIFIC problem - took me an hour and a half to finish. I say 'finish' not 'resolve' because... well, I'll get to that. In the course of this call:

1) I was transferred upwards of eight times. Three of those were not to other departments, but back to the main menu where I would have to start the entire process over.

2) I was accused, vehemently, of having them on speaker phone since they couldn't understand me. One lady even went so far as to circumspectly accuse me of lying to her when I maintained that I wasn't.

3) The man who finally took on the apparently gargantuan task of checking my product key comes back only to tell me that their system is down and can I call back in an hour. He later rescinded this and did some sort of magic - but seriously Microsoft? You don't inspire confidence in your product when I call into your own support center and the system is down. You should look into that.

4) I'm told that the product is out of warranty. Excuse me? A product that has never been activated, and therefore never used is out of warranty? "So what your telling me is that I was sold a product that won't install correctly but you refuse to help me because it's somehow fallen outside of warranty - even though it has never been activated or registered?" "Yes ma'am."

5) I apologized for raising my voice to him, asked to speak to someone else and that man then hung up on me. I kid you not.

There is a reason... there is a reason I happily switched to a Linux-based system two years ago. A system that has never crashed, never failed and never given me one frakkin' problem. I still need to do a Windows install. There are programs I need for my summer teaching fellowship that just don't work on Ubuntu. But I will be damned if I use a legal copy.

Microsoft - you have turned a girl who has legally downloaded every song she owns into a pirate. I hope you're happy.

Thanksgiving

I am, in the family in my vicinity, the person who cooks for Thanksgiving. I usually try to avoid having to do the turkey because frankly, if I'm making everything else someone else can bake a damn turkey...

*cough*



Anyway, this Thanksgiving I am making stuffing, mashed potatoes, brussell sprouts, rolls, cranberry sauce and pecan pie. All from scratch. Well, I am not a god, someone made the brussell sprouts, but still. My kitchen is a mess, my house is 107 degrees and I want sleep. Like, now. But I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I love Thanksgiving, it is probably my favorite holiday after Christmas. I love cooking for people, I love being around friends and family, and I just love this attitude of being thankful for things.

I'm not going to get super mushy, I'm not going to list the people I'm thankful for. I don't do that, even if I do occasionally end sentences in prepositions.

But from the deepest parts of my heart, I am thankful for you guys both here and on twitter. You've gotten me through some rough times whether you know it or not.

Thank you.

Dear small child in the store on Sunday,

OH MY GOD, what is wrong with you? Are your parents using you for some sort of experiment? I really don't understand it, your brother was the most nice, polite little boy anyone could ever hope for: all "please sir"s and "yes ma'am"s. He was quiet and contained and an angel.

So where did they go wrong with you? You screamed, you stole candy, you broke things, you ran around. I just don't get it. You were an adorable little munchkin who did everything in her power to cause a commotion in my store. My beautiful, clean, quiet store. Or it least, it was beautiful clean and quiet. before you and your hell-child ways invaded. I had to toss six items in the breakage box after you left because you had made them completely unsuitable for sales. I'd have insisted your parents pay for them but I frankly just wanted you gone.

Please never return again demon hell-child. I have warded the store against you - it will not go well for anyone if you poke your head in again.

Love,
NH

I luff you internets

Dear internet,

I love you. Making friends in real life is super hard. People are difficult and they give me funny looks when I start talking about my Green Lantern theories and why Adama and Roslin are the greatest TV couple of all time. If I do manage to contain my geekery long enough to make friends with normal people, I then have to try and contain myself when in their company. I repeat, it's hard work.

But not you internet. You filter the crazy/geeky/nerdy people right to me. Whether it's on twitter or some forum, you have a way of sending the people my way who understand and appreciate me for being the absolute loon that I am. Who get the Lost references and come back at me with Star Wars trivia. I mean, where else am I going to find someone to mail me a high fantasy series?

My real life friends call me nerd - a badge I wear proudly, but they're not saying it proudly. They're saying it in that way you do when you sneer a little. It is, in short, a slur. Internet friends call me nerd and you can hear (read, whatever) the smile in their voices when they do. It's nice.

I love you internets, but people of the internets, I love you more.

Hugs and Kisses,
The Heroine

Science, BA (Hons)

These were brought to my attention through the Bad Astronomer himself, and are more than worth a read. I've been known to write my fair share of 'Open letters to...' various organizations, but these are far better done than anything I could come up with.

Dear Media, from Science

Dear Homeopathy, from Science

Dear Astrology, from Science

Edited on 4Feb to add: Ok, so I only followed the links provided by Dr. Plait, but there are several more of the Science letters, find them here... I highly recommend Dear Advertising, from Science

The Best Letter Ever

Today, I received the most amazing letter of my life. Seriously. My acceptance letter from Hogwarts comes in a distant second.... a distant second.

The letter in question is from the Republican National Committee. No, I'm not a Republican. I urge you, no I command you to click on these images and read the full thing.


I was laughing so hard I was crying by the fourth "paragraph". I mean, I was lying across the table clutching the pages in my hand with tears streaming. I have never been so profoundly entreated before in my life. I shall not, Mr Chairman "desert my Party, and walk away from my conservative principles." Also, does everyone capitalize 'Party'? 'Cause I find that a little 1984.

Please stick with me... this letter gets so much better.



So apparently, there is non-stop, swooning coverage of Obama by the ultra-biased media. (If you didn't read it, let me inform you that is almost word for word what the second "paragraph" says.) Who are these media people? I know that the media gives him some leeway, but they do the same for every new president. Political parties Parties have very short memories it seems. I recall quite clearly the first seven months or so of the W administration, do you?

Wherever that non-stop, swooning channel is, I want to find it so I can run it 24-7.


Oh yeah, this is the page where the RNC accuses the Democrats of having "an agenda that is dictated by, and benefits, the special interests that bankroll their election campaigns."

...


...


BWA HA HA HA HA!


(Or on a more eloquent note... Pot? There's a Kettle on line one for you.)


No, just... no

"We have been on the defensive as the Democrats in Congress put partisan politics in front of the best interests of the nation, attacked our leaders with personal smears, and saturated the media with propaganda."

The hell? You know, there's a part of me that says: "Honestly, this letter could have come from either party if you replace Democrat with Republican and liberal with conservative," but I have a hard time believing that the Democratic party would ever put out something this puerile. Not that we're above it, but that it's way too silly and possibly offensive.


The questionnaire just pissed me off. Who worded these questions? I actually wrote next to one: "If the Democratic policies are enacted it is possible that puppies will be kicked. Do you agree with this policy of puppy-kicking? Think of the puppies." That's how badly these questions are railroading you.




I'm going to switch to the Republican Party if they regularly send out this kind of hilarity.



Uh, totally kidding about the Hogwarts letter. Yes, yes I was.

My heroes

If I were to compile a list of every person I admire, well, we'd be here for a while. That list would be about 70% scientist, 20% orators and politicians and 10% revolutionaries (in which I include civil rights leaders). Approximately 60% would be deceased.

Of those living, I have occasionally done the 'fangirl' thing and sent off an email or letter (or even a tweet) to let that person know how they have affected my life and/or my outlook on the world. I don't expect to get replies from everybody. I'm sure President Obama has many other things to do than answer a letter from a non-politically motivated girl who just called to say I love you (that's going to be in my head the rest of the day...yay). Ditto on Richard Dawkins who is one of the most celebrated and most notorious scientists of his time. Some, are particular heroes only to me, but that doesn't change the thrill I get when one of the Smart Bitches takes time out of her round of balls and carriage rides to deign to email me.

And then there's the middle echelon: PZ Myers, Phil Plait, Wil Wheaton. This is by no means exhaustive, but I chose those three names because they all have something in common: at some point in the last three months I have reached out to each. In two cases it was to mention how much I loved their respective books. In two cases it was to ask questions about things they had said or that I did not understand. Yes, there is overlap, because I reached out to one fellow twice and he was gracious enough to reach back.

I sent Dr. Phil Plait and email about three weeks ago to ask him my questions about his book. Within 24 hours I had a response in detail about what I had asked as well as a nice note about my review. The amount of squeeling that resulted from this email could be heard clear across the country. The other day, when I decided to drop my MA and go back for my BSc in Physics so I could go into astronomy, I sent him a joking tweet:

@BadAstronomer Left current MA for BSc in astronomy. Four years of school down the tube. You can expect an angry phone call from my parents.

and lo and behold...

BadAstronomer @nerdheroine Just send them a copy of my book. They'll understand why you switched. And congrats!

I know it doesn't seem like much. But Phil Plait - Phil Plait with a Discover blog, chair of the JREF - Phil Plait took time out from his schedule to encourage me. I am and adult and I know my own hopes and my own dreams.

And yet it means so much when someone you admire takes a moment to ackowledge you exist.

Thank you Dr Plait.

Open Letter to E-Reader Manufacturers

Dear e-reader maker:

Congratulations, you have decided to enter the exciting market of e-reading! We are sure that you will remember all the things that made reading so popular in the past and use new technologies to make reading available to a wide variety of new consumers. We look forward to hearing how you are improving the literary world and to the revolutionary ideas that are sure to follow your undertaking.

What’s that? You are going to make reading a luxury good available only to those with shitloads of expendable resources? I see; the reader technologies are expensive to create. That’s no problem. With such a high entry price for the reading device, you can offset this by having lower prices on books. Without the physical price of publishing the book – paper, ink, other manufacturing costs like, I don’t know, very large warehouses – you can offer readers a reading experience that will eventually pay off in the long run...

You’re going to charge the same price for an e-book as a regular book? What could possibly be the logic behind that? You don’t have the same manufacturing costs! It costs exactly the same to create one e-book as a million. Ctrl-C, Ctrl-P. Voilà, a new copy of the e-book. I realise there is a set cost for original production: editors, proof-readers, and don’t forget to pay your authors! But, really, how can you justify charging the same price for an electronic version as one you have to print, bind, store and ship?

Seriously, we are going to start this experience with a $200+ entry cost for the reader, then pile on top of that there is a minuscule difference in the price of books? I’m basically paying you $200+ to change my reading experience? Honey, I’m not going to pay you a hundred dollars just to change my reading experience. You might talk me out of fifty.

Oh, I see, your reader exactly mimics my known reading experience up to and including more shades of grey than I ever knew existed. So my reading experience hasn’t actually changed. Okay, I guess that as far as storage goes owning an ebook is definitely...

Wait, what? I don’t actually own my books? My books always belong to the company/publisher from which they are purchased and in the event of a product ‘recall’ my books can be taken away? You want me to pay the same price for books I will not even own?

Are you on crack?

Let’s summarise. I have to pay $200+ to join this reading experience. I then pay the same price for an e-book as I would for a paper. However, if at some point in the future the author of my literary erotica (for example) decides to run for congress, they can reach out and remove all of their works from my e-libraries.

Again, are you on crack?

I would love to jump on the e-reader bandwagon with you, but you need to pull your heads out of your asses and wizen up to the absolutely ridiculous market you’ve created.

Until then, screw you,
Hugs and Kisses,
The Heroine

Dell

Dell: Hello, this is Dell technical support, how may I help you?

Me: Yeah, my laptop over-heated and shut down yesterday, since then my fan has been making a very loud buzzing noise. It’s going to need replacing.

Dell: I am sorry to hear that. We will run some tests and try to get this taken care of quickly. Okay, I need you plug in your AC adapter.

Me: I don’t have it with me.

Dell: Well ma’am, I need you to have your AC adapter plugged in before we can proceed further.

Me: No, I mean, it’s like a hundred miles away.

Dell: I am afraid we will need the to have the AC adapter to assess your problem.

Me: Okay, explain to me the link between my power cable and the fan and I’ll go get it.

Dell: That is a very good question ma’am. We will be testing many things on your computer including the software, the hard drive, the keyboard, the mouse, and the AC adapter.

Me: This is a hardware problem. You are not going to fix it by assessing my keyboard.

Dell: Ma’am, I’m sorry but we must run these tests.

Me: Even thought they are an absolute waste of time?

Dell: I do not believe that they are ma’am.

(Silence)

Dell: Ma’am, are you retrieving your power cable?

Me: No. I told you it’s a hundred miles away. And unnecessary. This is a hardware problem.

(After some discussion we decide to spend the next thirty minutes running a system check. All the while I am quietly fuming. At one point, we have the following exchange.)

Dell: (sounding worried) I see here that you did not purchase our complete care extended warranty package.

Me: Excuse me? This laptop comes with a warranty. It sure as hell should cover something that should never break to begin with.

Dell: Oh no ma’am, your warranty covers any issues with the cooling fan. However, you may wish to purchase the extended-

Me: Are you trying to upsell me? Really? Now?

Dell: Ma’am I-

Me: No, I don’t want the extended warranty. I only wanted the one year warranty for the out of the box problems. Like this one.

(Again, much later after we have diagnosed that my computer believes everything is peachy keen.)

Dell: Okay, do you have wireless access from your computer?

Me: Yes...

Dell: I am sending you a file to download to your hard drive. It will update-

Me: No.

Dell: I’m sorry ma’am?

Me: No, I don’t put anything on my computer without knowing exactly what it is. And nothing you could send me is going to fix a hardware problem.

Dell: It is a very small file ma’am.

Me: I don’t care how big it is, I’m not putting it on my laptop.

Dell: It is an exe file.

Me: I can’t open an exe file anyway. I am running Ubuntu. (Right here is where I really start flipping my shit because surely they have it on file that I bought a Inspiron with and Ubuntu OS. Right? Apparently not.)

Dell: Oh, I am going to need to transfer you to our Ubuntu specialist then ma’am. Be sure to tell him that you are running Ubuntu.

Me: Why should that even matter with a hardware problem? And am I going to have to go through all this again?

Dell: I will conference in this representative, you will not have to do all this again.

Me: Whatever.

(transfers)

Dell: Hello, this is Dell technical support how may I help?

Me: You don’t know? He was supposed to talk to you.

Dell: I’m sorry ma’am, your call has been automatically transferred to me, how may I help?

(And then, gentle reader, I lost it.)

Me: I don’t fucking believe this. I’ve just spent forty-five minutes on the phone doing absolutely nothing useful and now I have to do it all again with you.

Dell: I’m going to have to ask you to calm down.

Me: Un-fucking-believable.

(After I got a hold on myself we finally got around to the issue. What followed was him transferring me to his manager as he attempted to speak to the Ubuntu specialist [again, why?] so his manager could apologise to me. Finally, he comes back and says...)

Dell: I have spoken to our Ubuntu specialist and he assures me this is a hardware problem. We will arrange to have it shipped to one of our service centres to be fixed.

Me: I have been on the phone for an hour and twenty minutes trying to tell you that exact same thing.

(In short, fuck you Dell. If I didn’t already have my computer, I would never buy from you. In fact, if I get so much as a whisper of a problem from you over this, I’m going to return this one.)

(Almost worse than Stumble)

Dear TV Tropes,

I know that the time sucking vortex you call a website has been commented on before. Several times in fact. Any link to TV Tropes must be treated with caution.

So I had an idea. Why not, every dozen or so pages you click on, throw up one if those 'go outside and play' screens like stumble does when it goes down for maintenance. It would be hilarious. No really, it would. Yours could say 'Hey, why don't you go watch some television instead of just reading about it?'. See? I'm laughing already.

Just a thought.

I love you.

Really...

The Heroine

Fuck you ComicCon and the Google banner you rode in on

No I couldn't make it this year, why do you ask?

Wizard’s Third Rule

In the enduring trials of my modem, AT&T informs me that I am outside my one-year warranty. By one day. That’s right, my service plan (and warranty) started on July 21 2008 and my house was hit by lightening on July 22 frying the ethernet port on my modem. There may have been additional name-calling and general grousing towards the poor customer service representative at this point.

[I just want to note here that when I’m angry with customer service people, I spend at least half of my time apologizing for venting my frustration at the person on the other end. I know it’s not their fault. Unfortunately, they are the voice of the company. I have had one person, after I said for the fourth time ‘I know this isn’t your fault’, laugh and say ‘It’s alright, at least you’re not cussing or threatening me’. Do people actually do that?]

Once I got over how mad I was at the whole runaround I was getting from AT&T the solution to my problem became very easy. I went to the AT&T store and bought a new modem. I know what you’re thinking, but stick with me for my plan is manifold and varied. Once connected, my internet will be back for the next twenty something days. Then, well within my 30-day return policy, I will be returning it to the store from whence it came.

Suck it AT&T.

Update: I am back online. There was much jubilation.

Modem Madness

Dear AT&T,

I pay a handsome fee to use your DSL line. I bought a modem from you. I have had very few complaints in the year since. AT&T, your technical support sucks.

I admit, I know just enough about the inner workings of my computer to get myself in trouble. I had already ascertained that the problem was either in my modem itself or on your end. I have pinged the modem from my computer, all data packets received and returned. The problem, I repeat, is not on my end.

If you tell me to reboot my computer one more time I am going to scream. Yes, even more so than I screamed at your automated system when it told me the easiest way to fix my modem was to log online to the support center. Really? This is your best possible solution to the fact that I can’t get on the internet? Tell me to get on the internet? I’d love to get around that message but my repeated bellowing of ‘SKIP!’ was met with confusion on the part of your automated software.

I hate you so much right now. Why even ask for a callback number (in case we get disconnected) if you’re not going to call me back when you hang up on me. That’s right bitch, you hung up on me!

And no, I am not going to reboot again!

Right now, no joke, I am going to drive twenty minutes to my dad’s to post this online. I would rather use his internet and go without at home than call you again. I am moving out of this house in three weeks, I will find a way to survive without. I spend 4-6 hours on the internet a day, and I would rather go without than use your service.

That’s how much you suck.

Love,

The Heroine.

ECWTF?

Dear SciFi Channel,

I love you. You have the greatest slate of programming on television and I'm seriously considering calling in for work this Saturday in order to watch Star Runners.

So why do I find wrestling whenever I switch to your channel this Tuesday night? I would say it is some sort of error on the part of my service provider, but your website supports that this is the programing you intended.

Unless they're on hoverboards with lasers, wrestlers do not belong on the SciFi channel. By the way, I would totally watch wrestlers on hoverboards (lasers optional). Just a thought.

Give me back monsters and space travel. Give me back time warps and genetic experiments. Give me back my SciFi channel!

Hugs and kisses,
The Heroine


[except the 'Hugs and Kisses' part, I did actually send this letter to the SciFi Channel. They never wrote back *sad face* ]