06 January 2010

The Best Letter Ever

Today, I received the most amazing letter of my life. Seriously. My acceptance letter from Hogwarts comes in a distant second.... a distant second.

The letter in question is from the Republican National Committee. No, I'm not a Republican. I urge you, no I command you to click on these images and read the full thing.

I was laughing so hard I was crying by the fourth "paragraph". I mean, I was lying across the table clutching the pages in my hand with tears streaming. I have never been so profoundly entreated before in my life. I shall not, Mr Chairman "desert my Party, and walk away from my conservative principles." Also, does everyone capitalize 'Party'? 'Cause I find that a little 1984.

Please stick with me... this letter gets so much better.

So apparently, there is non-stop, swooning coverage of Obama by the ultra-biased media. (If you didn't read it, let me inform you that is almost word for word what the second "paragraph" says.) Who are these media people? I know that the media gives him some leeway, but they do the same for every new president. Political parties Parties have very short memories it seems. I recall quite clearly the first seven months or so of the W administration, do you?

Wherever that non-stop, swooning channel is, I want to find it so I can run it 24-7.

Oh yeah, this is the page where the RNC accuses the Democrats of having "an agenda that is dictated by, and benefits, the special interests that bankroll their election campaigns."




(Or on a more eloquent note... Pot? There's a Kettle on line one for you.)

No, just... no

"We have been on the defensive as the Democrats in Congress put partisan politics in front of the best interests of the nation, attacked our leaders with personal smears, and saturated the media with propaganda."

The hell? You know, there's a part of me that says: "Honestly, this letter could have come from either party if you replace Democrat with Republican and liberal with conservative," but I have a hard time believing that the Democratic party would ever put out something this puerile. Not that we're above it, but that it's way too silly and possibly offensive.

The questionnaire just pissed me off. Who worded these questions? I actually wrote next to one: "If the Democratic policies are enacted it is possible that puppies will be kicked. Do you agree with this policy of puppy-kicking? Think of the puppies." That's how badly these questions are railroading you.

I'm going to switch to the Republican Party if they regularly send out this kind of hilarity.

Uh, totally kidding about the Hogwarts letter. Yes, yes I was.


  1. LMAO ok so...everytime i got to the end of a page and it read "Over, Please" I couldn't help but think...OVER PLEASE!!!!!!!!!

    HAHA this was awesome. And umm...where do I apply?

    To Hogwarts that is ;)

    "Also, does anyone capitalize 'Party'? 'cause I find that a little 1984" <FTW

  2. That is too funny! Now you have gotten me to thinking I should go back to blogging a bit.

    Now we know their strategy. Unfortunately, it looks like a fair bit of the uber Progressive movement is equally sophisticated, and as passionate - about Obama's failure to do what the the Republicans are saying he is doing. These people have me convinced that the movement is full of real cases of "oppositional personality disorder". I followed a coupld of links from a finance newsletter I get, to articles by one David Michael Green, a "progressive" Assistant Professor in NYC. The first was written at the begining of 2009:


    The second showed up, predictably enough, at Counterpunch on December 21, 2009


    Trapped between the kind of people that Republican letter appeals to, and the extremist version of progressivism represented, in my mind, by Green, I want to take a plum switch to all their backsides.

  3. Oh good God. Someone needs to get these guys a copy of Strunk and White's The Elements of Style. And disable the bold and underline functions in their word processor, haha.