10 January 2010

Battlestar Batman

Lord, I am such a dweeb (Dweebus Maximus is the term according to Kali and Mike of Dreamworthy Gifts). Not only did I not even leave the house on Saturday night, I spent my evening... well, let's go into the backstory first shall I?

Within about a half hour of waking up on Saturday morning I was involved in a conversation about what a Batman / Battlestar Galactica crossover would be like with @hubcomics. Because, yeah, that's my life now.

Well, this lead to discussion on how it would work: Dude, each ship would end up with its own supervillian, with Batman on Galactica. It would be EPIC. As well as ideas for how the story might unfold: Joker kidnaps Gaius Baltar: "Why is 6 afraid of 7?" "I have no idea. Cylon politics?!" "Because 7 8 9!"; DICK "NIGHTWING" GRAYSON vs. LEE "APOLLO" ADAMA in the battle of "I'll never be as good as my dad, either!".

So Saturday night, while I'm sitting at home being a dorkus maximus, I made this... and it cracks me up.

click for full view

So there you go, Jesse, Battlestar Batman.

Blue text is from @hubcomics.

09 January 2010

Who are these people?

While on my Christmas vacation my family and I played quite a bit of wii. We can't play as a team, there is far too much yelling and accusations on even the simplest sports, and god forbid you bring something like doubles tennis into it. But we do quite well with individual effort.

So imagine a fine, California afternoon. It's a balmy seventy outside, and geeks that we are we're inside playing wii hundred pin bowling, the most satisfying game ever invented. If you haven't heard the cacophony a hundred pins make when connect with a bowling ball you have not lived.

It's my turn, I have a split. The pins are easily ten feet apart. So I concoct a plan that involves bouncing my ball off the bumpers to make a billiards-type move to get both. I get ready, get set, and....

What the Hell?


Dude, is that Voldemort? And a Stormtrooper?

They totally made me flub my shot, by the way. Then, of course, no one believed me. Also, it appears it's not the same crowd every time either. While I was waiting for He Who Shall Not be Named to come around again, I also saw...


A ninja. Dude, it's a ninja! Also, some total dork there in the front, but a ninja. I don't know who the guy with what looks like a dude standing on his sunglasses is, but I'm sure if I were a better geek I would recognize him instantly.

Also, in the back of the other side...


It's the Joker! And some guy from KISS.

At this point, the game pretty much devolved into trying to find all the hidden miis.

In the end we found these guys...


But also a hamburger...
And Billy Mays!


GO BUY A WII! <---- To be read in a Billy Mays voice.

08 January 2010

Sherlock Holmes

It is unfortunate that in my life I have only read the collection of Holmesian short-stories which revolve around some hapless person coming to Holmes with a problem. After which, Holmes talks out the explanation for three or four pages without ever leaving 221B Baker Street. Next story.

Which, if the 'unfortunate' in the above paragraph didn't clue you in, kind of sucked. I was never exposed to the finer Holmes stories, Cleolinda assures me they exist, so never understood the fan love.

What this boils down to is I went into the Sherlock Holmes movie with incredibly low expectations.

The movie's basic plot picks up partway through the Sherlock Holmes adventures. Watson is about to move out and marry Mary, Holmes has previously met Irene Adler and he is quite famous already as a detective. The movie opens on an occult ritual being performed by the villainous Lord Blackwood who is apprehended (maybe even on purpose). The main plot revolves around the fact that after being hung for the practice of black magic and murder - in that order I might add - Lord Blackwood rises from the grave to continue being a total badass wizard.*

*Some or all of those facts may have been dramatized for the purposes of this review.

I don't want to go too far into it as the movie is worth watching with as few spoilers as possible (unlike, for example Avatar whose plot you could see coming for miles). I will say that the supernatural plot points have an explanation that won't make you want to throw things.

But what I really want to talk about is HoYay!, cause whoa and damn. If I wasn't as familiar as I am with Holmes I would think they spent all of their off screen time making out. I did actually lean over to my mother partway to whisper "Oh just kiss already". But Holmes is asexual, and I do think that the relationship between Holmes and Watson is a reflection on Holmes's complete inability to form a normal human attachment. He quite simply has no clue how to handle normal human emotions, and the feelings of brotherly love for Watson manifest in odd ways.

On that note, I am choosing to interpret the Irene/Sherlock love as a lot closer to the book's portrayal. I do beleiev that Adler cerainly harbors affection, perhaps lust, for Holmes. But Holmes is more fascinated by her methods, and while his body reacts to her as a woman, his mind is apart from it. They have two kisses, one instigated by Adler while Holmes is unconscious, and one of a more fatherly/brotherly nature from Holmes (not on lips). I originally took the line about Adler getting their old room as a deliberate attempt to misdirect Holmes' brain, when the room in question was the scene of a crime or heist perhaps.

I did love love love the boxing and bartitsu. If you've never heard of bartitsu, it is a martial art that focuses on eastern fighting style with an emphasis on defense using your walking stick. That's right, Sherlock Holmes was considered a master of a martial art that would beat you to death with a cane. The boxing and bartitsu are canon, and often forgotten about amidst the tweed and deerstalker hats.

I truly deeply enjoyed this movie, have already seen it twice in fact. I can highly recommend it to both Doyle fans and people's whose only knowledge of Holmes is the phrase 'no shit Sherlock'.

07 January 2010

Leaning Tower

Is it time for another optical illusion? I think it is!


Believe it or not... that is the same image twice. No, really. I'll wait while you go to photoshop or gimp or your image software of choice. Or, you can just blink really fast - it'll trick your brain. Totally. I'm not even there to watch you, what makes you think I'm messing with you?

The explanation, as near as I can tell, is that your brain sees the image as one scene. Thus, the tower on the left is used as a point of reference for the vertical of the tower on the right. The result is that the image on the right seems to be significantly more skewed than the image on the left.

Neat.

(Thanks to The Thinking Blog for the heads-up.)

(Who tried the blinking thing? It totally worked didn't it?)

06 January 2010

The Best Letter Ever

Today, I received the most amazing letter of my life. Seriously. My acceptance letter from Hogwarts comes in a distant second.... a distant second.

The letter in question is from the Republican National Committee. No, I'm not a Republican. I urge you, no I command you to click on these images and read the full thing.


I was laughing so hard I was crying by the fourth "paragraph". I mean, I was lying across the table clutching the pages in my hand with tears streaming. I have never been so profoundly entreated before in my life. I shall not, Mr Chairman "desert my Party, and walk away from my conservative principles." Also, does everyone capitalize 'Party'? 'Cause I find that a little 1984.

Please stick with me... this letter gets so much better.



So apparently, there is non-stop, swooning coverage of Obama by the ultra-biased media. (If you didn't read it, let me inform you that is almost word for word what the second "paragraph" says.) Who are these media people? I know that the media gives him some leeway, but they do the same for every new president. Political parties Parties have very short memories it seems. I recall quite clearly the first seven months or so of the W administration, do you?

Wherever that non-stop, swooning channel is, I want to find it so I can run it 24-7.


Oh yeah, this is the page where the RNC accuses the Democrats of having "an agenda that is dictated by, and benefits, the special interests that bankroll their election campaigns."

...


...


BWA HA HA HA HA!


(Or on a more eloquent note... Pot? There's a Kettle on line one for you.)


No, just... no

"We have been on the defensive as the Democrats in Congress put partisan politics in front of the best interests of the nation, attacked our leaders with personal smears, and saturated the media with propaganda."

The hell? You know, there's a part of me that says: "Honestly, this letter could have come from either party if you replace Democrat with Republican and liberal with conservative," but I have a hard time believing that the Democratic party would ever put out something this puerile. Not that we're above it, but that it's way too silly and possibly offensive.


The questionnaire just pissed me off. Who worded these questions? I actually wrote next to one: "If the Democratic policies are enacted it is possible that puppies will be kicked. Do you agree with this policy of puppy-kicking? Think of the puppies." That's how badly these questions are railroading you.




I'm going to switch to the Republican Party if they regularly send out this kind of hilarity.



Uh, totally kidding about the Hogwarts letter. Yes, yes I was.

01 January 2010

Our Independence Day

Okay, so it's not necessarily a "real" speech that brings me to tears. Also, certain rousing movie speeches have been known to make me tear up a bit and start talking about how dusty it is in the room.

This is the rousing speech given by the President to inspire the troops in the 1996 film Independence Day.

Our Independence Day


Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night!" We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!

29 December 2009

Avatar

Subtitle: Shut up io9

(A review of the movie and a review of what people think the movie represents socially)

I find it impossible to separate Avatar from the hype surrounding it. I blame the promo monkeys who promised me the world would never be the same again. As such, while I found the movie entertaining on many levels, I can't honestly say whether it was a good movie or not. I was entertained, so let's just go with that for the moment.

Curse you internets!

Basic plot is as such: there is a beautiful planet discovered (actually a moon, but I'm not gonna quibble here) which has a source of very valuable energy known as unobtanium*. Mining of macguffinium is going swell until indigenous peoples (the Na'vi) begin to interfere - what with their living and playing and being generally intrusive into the places the humans want to strip mine. As a way to communicate with the indigenous people, the humans create Na'vi avatars that their scientists can download into and do their best to convince the Na'vi to leave a home that they have populated for thousands if not millions of years.

*It is my honest belief that a screenwriter used unobtanium as a placeholder. As in 'The humans are mining for unobtanium (be sure to replace with something better!)' and a studio exec refused to let them change it once the project was greenlit.

Our hero is an avatar driver who takes the place of his dead identical twin brother. After meeting the Na'vi he becomes a warrior complete with dragon-birdie as his steed. He falls for the chief's daughter and leads the attack when, to no one's surprise, the humans get gun-happy and start destroying ancient homeland in their quest for nocanhazium. An epic battle between humans and Na'vi ensues with our hero on the greatest dragon-birdie of them all while his girlfriend/wife gets to ride a velocikitty.

Notice that at no point did I feel the need to include the fact that our hero's human form is wheelchair-bound since, other than providing an initial reason for him to enjoy being in his avatar, it is completely extraneous to the plot. So why is this presented as a plot point? I don't know, I'll wait for the deleted scenes before passing judgment.

(Also, I don't know how much of Neytiri's vocalization was Zoe Saldana and how much was sound editing, but she really shouldered the burden on making the Na'vi a truly alien race not just in appearance but in movement and sound as well. So props to her for that.)

Pandora (the monet/planoon in question) is visually stunning. If you are one of the seven people who have yet to go, do see it in 3D, you will not get the full effect otherwise. Soaring canopies and beautiful flowers create a backdrop that at times I found myself focusing on more than the actors. The animals are exotic enough to be alien, but recognizable as being a believable lifeform. The blacklighting/glowing seemed a little overboard, but then again I don't live somewhere where native wildlfie lights up the night (lightningbugs, glowing algae and whatnot). If I did, I think I would have been less distracted by the glow-in-the-dark forest.

As for the CGI, it beat every other computer animated movie for a hundred miles with a failstick. It is completely seamless and I found myself wondering if some of the human scenes were CGI as they were identical to the Na'vi scenes. I'm kinda bummed that this movie came out this year as it will likely sweep the technical awards at the oscars and I feel a little sad for Star Trek which had some amazing graphics, but not in the same league as Avatar.

Overall, a visually amazing film with more focus on CGI than plot - but if you've enjoy a summer blockbuster or two in your time, you'll enjoy Avatar.

Now, on to the second half for those who are interested in message and theme and what-not. There has been a lot of noise on the internets about racism and race implication in Avatar and io9 (normally so good) ran an article by Annalee Newitz titled "When will white people quit making movies like "Avatar"?" and at it's basic level, wonders why us white folk continue to make movies where we save aboriginals from things they are apparently too dumb to save themselves. It cited such movies as Dancing with Wolves and The Last Samurai as examples of the white hero going native so that he can become chief and save the people he was sent to kill/convert/whatever.

I went into Avatar with this article in mind, also Geek Girl Diva's piece "Racism in Avatar? My response to io9" which is worth a read and sees the movie as being made from a standpoint of technology vs the little guy. Here's where I jump in, although I tend more to lean towards Geek Girl's Diva interpretation of Avatar, I can look at it from Newitz's point of view and still say you're full of wrong.

Yes, these movies have a common theme, but look at them together. In Dances with Wolves John Dunbar turns his back on his culture to be assimilated by the Natives and eventually use his knowledge of his people to fight against them. In The Last Samurai Nathan Algren is assimilated into Japanese samurai culture where he then uses his experiences as an army captain to fight against his own people. Avatar... I ain't singin' this tune again.

The 'white fantasy' as Newitz calls it, isn't that at all. The common theme here isn't that a white person will instantly become the most awesome member of the group (although that is often the case in these movies) it's a reimagining where, had someone been willing to level the playing field, maybe things would have turned out different. And that's what Dunbar, Algren, and indeed our blue-skinned hero are. They are anti-histories, what would have happened if - and do so while trying to live withing established history (I'm looking at you Inglorious Basterds). I feel I should note that in the two cited cases, it is clearly stated that the culture our white folks are hoping to save was ultimately destroyed. One can assume that the same will eventually happen to the Na'vi as the are blitzed from the air by future mining expeditions.

What we can take away is this: Us white folk like to make movies about level playing fields. If the indigenous people we've treated so poorly in the past had had access to the tactical knowledge and/or weapons that we had, would we still have won? We like an underdog, and we want them to win. So we re-write history so they do. It's not meant to pander to our guilt, but to allow us to hope for the future, when perhaps we will be the ones in danger from above.

In conclusion: shut up io9.Link