26 August 2010

Dear small child in the store on Sunday,

OH MY GOD, what is wrong with you? Are your parents using you for some sort of experiment? I really don't understand it, your brother was the most nice, polite little boy anyone could ever hope for: all "please sir"s and "yes ma'am"s. He was quiet and contained and an angel.

So where did they go wrong with you? You screamed, you stole candy, you broke things, you ran around. I just don't get it. You were an adorable little munchkin who did everything in her power to cause a commotion in my store. My beautiful, clean, quiet store. Or it least, it was beautiful clean and quiet. before you and your hell-child ways invaded. I had to toss six items in the breakage box after you left because you had made them completely unsuitable for sales. I'd have insisted your parents pay for them but I frankly just wanted you gone.

Please never return again demon hell-child. I have warded the store against you - it will not go well for anyone if you poke your head in again.


22 August 2010

I Love Ray Bradbury

And so does this girl.

Totally, totally not safe for work. In fact, I'm not entirely sure the embed is safe for work.

And I don't give a damn whether or not you consider Ray Bradbury to be a science fiction writer, he wrote a great many stories that are science fiction - even he admits to it - and most of the ones she alludes to fall in that category.

21 August 2010

Tights are not pants

Today I was on a journey through the mall. A magical time when I was to buy new shoes and was magically coerced into buying two new pairs of shoes because of a sale - and were I to not participate in this "buy one get one" phenomenon I would in fact be losing money and that's all bad.

Anyway, as I am walking through the food court at the mall I see this woman. I would not ordinarily classify a woman as young as her (20 or so to my age) as woman, normally she would be a "girl" because I'm from the South and that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. I'm using the term "woman" to clarify that this is someone who should have known better.

This woman is wearing a long shirt, as one might expect to find paired inappropriately with a pair of opaque tights. Now, I'm sure I don't need to tell you that tights are not pants, nor should they be. However, this woman had forgone to even wear the tights.

When your top covering is that short, lower coverings are no longer optional. Nightclubs get a pass, but this is the mall, in broad daylight. You are appearing in a public place - wear clothes, it's the law.

I admit it, I stared a bit. But in that way where you're trying really really hard not to look like you're staring. As soon as she came alongside of me, and thus I was out of her field of vision I did a full body recoil while mouthing "Oh. My. God."

I look up and there is a woman, sitting with two friends who were not privy to the same view. She is staring after and making exactly the same face I am. As I come alongside her I say, "Same girl?"

"Oh my god yes." She affirmed with incredulity. We shared a laugh.

Moral: If you dress like a slutty hobo in public I'm not the only person who will be judging you for it.

01 August 2010

I will fight no more

The white treatment of the native peoples in America is a long, bloody history that I won't even begin to go into. If you are unfamiliar, it was and still is one of the largest mass genocides in history.

Chief Joseph was the leader of the Nez Perce tribe who waged a long and ultimately fruitless campaign against the United States government. It was said that in "In his long career, Chief Joseph cannot accuse the government of the Untied States of one single act of justice." In his own words, Chief Joseph said this:

Hear me my chiefs!

Tell General Howard I know his heart. What he told me before, I have it in my heart. I am tired of fighting. Our Chiefs are killed; Looking Glass is dead, Ta Hool Hool Shute is dead. The old men are all dead. It is the young men who say yes or no. He who led on the young men is dead. It is cold, and we have no blankets; the little children are freezing to death. My people, some of them, have run away to the hills, and have no blankets, no food. No one knows where they are - perhaps freezing to death. I want to have time to look for my children, and see how many of them I can find. Maybe I shall find them among the dead. Hear me, my Chiefs! I am tired; my heart is sick and sad. From where the sun now stands I will fight no more forever.

-Chief Joseph 1877