Iron Man 2

Alternate title: Iron Man has a built in garter belt.*

(Spoilers will be hidden behind white text. If you want to read it, highlight it. If it was revealed in the previews I don't consider it a spoiler)

It seems to be par for the course that if someone puts on the cape and tights (or costume of their choice) in their first movie, in the second they will end up facing the Wile E. Coyote Law of Unintended Consequences. What is this law, you might ask? I shall tell you.

No matter if what you do has the desired effect, it will have three at least you never expected, and at least one of those will usually be unpleasant.

In Iron Man’s case, Tony Stark finds that after the events of Iron Man his artificial heart/power source/ battery/ whatever thingmajig is not performing as well as he might hope. Okay, it is in fact killing him. Also, the US government is not happy with a private citizen owning what basically amounts to a one-man army. As much as I am in favor of one’s personal property being exempt from government interference, I can kind of see where they’re coming from with this.

Into all of this comes Ivan Venko, the son of one of Stark Sr’s colleagues back in the day. He’s holding a grudge (rightfully so) about how the Stark’s ended up with all the money and prestige and money for what was in fact a joint project between Papas Venko and Stark. He decides to create a set of lightening whips and go after Tony Stark. You know, as you do. That is certainly my immediate answer when I am holding a lifelong blood feud against someone. Giant lightening whips. Comic book characters have the weirdest set of responses to situations of anyone, ever.

The thing is. You know Ivan Venko is a bad guy the moment he is introduced during the opening credits. He’s plotting to take down the title character, he’s grubby, he’s Russian and he’s being played by Mickey Rourke. In fact, any one of those things should clue you in to his allegiances to the forces of darkness. But when you get down to it, he had a point and I think he was in the right to seek some recompense from the Starks. Now, his methods don’t really bear up under scrutiny (see Lightening Whips) but I couldn’t help but feel for him.

I think it is a testament to the writers and to Robert Downey Jr that despite my sympathies laying with Venko, I was rooting for Stark the whole way. He’s a rich playboy who really has very few redeeming qualities... but we like him. He’s not annoying or ingratiating, we actually enjoy watching him be a total douche to people. Or at least I do. It’s been said before, but if ever there was a role the RDJ was born to play, Tony Stark is it.

Mickey Rourke.... I cannot talk about him in this movie without sharing this anecdote. It is fairly spoilery so: When Venko goes to work for Hammer and hacks his way into the Hammer Industries computer system, he puts on this little pair of reading glasses while he is typing. He’s grubby and gold toothed and looks like a cross between a homeless person and a street fighter and in that moment, typing with those glasses on, he became Sexy Physicist Man and I totally fell in lust. I really loved his portrayal of both Venko and his alter-ego Whiplash. While Whiplash’s “superpower” is based in technology, it is still a very weird character and I think it could have easily been ruined by someone going all Indiana Jones with the whips. Rourke just makes him scary. I flinched when he started slinging those things around.

There is a fair amount of other stuff going on as well. There is a rival weapons dealer and the creation of the Warhammer suit and all kinds of things but my "reviews" were never meant to be summaries, simply an outline of what I liked and disliked. I liked this movie. A lot.

Iron Man (original flavor) was a powerhouse of a movie that found the middle ground between the older comic book movies (Superman, Batman, Batman Returns) and the newer, edgier movies (Batman Begins, Dark Knight and to some extent Wolverine). It took everything that made the Spiderman and X-Men movies good and polished it until it shone. Iron Man 2 does not exceed the original, very few sequels do, but I believe it more than lived up to the promise of the first and I would gladly go see an Iron Man 3 based on this movie alone.



Note: Like the first one, Iron Man 2 has an after credits scene that is more than worth waiting for if you are a comic book fan, or a fan of the comic movies. If you’re not, it’s probably okay to skip out on it.

*Yes, yes he does. I tried to find a picture of it for y'all but just trust me, the paint job on the Iron Man suit is very *ahem* risqué shall we say?

Bat Hard

A belated #fanficfriday because it took much time and effort and other stuff I don't really enjoy. Like all superbly strangely things in my life, this project had its roots in a conversation with @hubcomics.

I refer you back to the Battlestar Batman which may have been better. Your mileage may vary.

This is a similar iteration. I have no regrets about using Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne - he's prettier than any of the other real life actors and the cartoon/comic Wayne would have stuck out too much. Also, I got to look at Christian Bale for about three hours. Yay!

click to embiggenate

Battlestar Batman had a better punchline, but for some reason I find this one funnier. *shrug*

The Goddamn Batman

Oh my gods. Oh my gods. Oh my gods.

I don't really like to label one thing over another as being the "best" because it's all subjective and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and really, at any given moment what is "best" is likely to change. It may also change depending on who I am talking to at any given moment.

All that being said.... I received the best birthday present in the mail last Monday from J. Yes it was a week late, no I do not care.

I got comics. Not just any comics either, BATMAN comics. Oh! and Buffy comics (which I really enjoyed, but come on... Batman!)



Did you just hear a choir of angels sing? 'Cause I sure did.

In case you can't see, the is Fray, Batman Year 100, Batman Year One, and The Killing Joke. All of which I read the same night. That's how excited I was. Is this the wrong place to admit that I had never read any of these before? In fact, my only Batman collection until now 'Arkham Asylum'.

Someone knows how to make me happy, let me tell you.

There were a couple other things in the package, but they were personal and without specifically talking to J (and because I want to keep some portion of my personal life private) I am not including them. Y'all will live, I'm sure.

So as a note to anyone out there who wants to win my eternal love and devotion, this is how you do it.

Can I also add here, that this post gave me reason enough to create a 'Batman' tag, and all is now right in my world?

The Lord of the Green Lantern

Have I ever told you my theory that the Rings of Power are in fact copies of the Green Lantern Power Ring - and that the Dark Lord Sauron was for some time a Green Lantern?

No? Oh, this story is awesome.

Also, I know that the true Lord of the Rings and Green Lantern fanboys (and girls) out there are going to vilify me for this and point out a dozen inconsistencies, but I do not care. Shuddup.

Also awesome, this picture. Look at how awesome it is. I made this (okay, I gimped this).

One ring to rule them in brightest day
One ring to bind them in blackest night
Beware my power... in the darkness where the shadows lie!

After the fall of Morgoth (I’ve already lost a few of you haven’t I?) Sauron at first tried to make good with the Valar on Eä but they wanted him to redeem himself and he wasn’t really up for that. Instead, he went into the lands of Middle-Earth to set himself up as a kind of god-king. He won over the humans and dwarfs pretty easily, but the elves still had a bee in their bonnet about the whole Island of Werewolves incident and those sisters don’t ever let nothin’ go, you follow?

Please keep in mind this is a simplified version of events and if you want the long version go read the Silmarillion and may the Lords of Valar have mercy on your soul because I sure as hell am not doing that again.

Now the annals of Middle-Earth history say that at this point Sauron disguised himself and went to the elves so that they would forge the nineteen rings of power, then forged his own in secret to have dominion over the others.

I'm not buyin' it. For all his bluster and might, Sauron was not the brightest bulb on the porch. Here’s my theory: after conquering the lands of men as a (seemingly) beneficial god, Sauron fell under the attention of the Guardians. Who were, in fact, the Valar who had chosen not to journey to Eä and instead stayed on Oa. I note here the similarity of the two names. Noted? Good.

The Guardians had, in their time, seen that the universe needed protectors and they – unwisely it turns out – offered the job of policing sector 2814 to Sauron who they knew to have been involved in the War of Wrath; even if they did not fully understand his involvement as it turns out. So they give him a Green Lantern Ring.

What an alarmingly bad idea.

Sauron goes to town, turns the men and dwarfs to his rule, but the elves possess their own strong magic and resist. This is shit up with which Sauron will not put. He spends years studying the ring, trying to figure out how he can use it to turn the elves to him. Eventually, he hits on the idea of seducing the elves to him with their own rings of power. Since they will be, in truth, mere copies of his he will ultimately have dominion over them through their own rings. The Guardians or Valar or whatever you want to call them handed Sauron control of Middle-Earth on a platter. As we know, the elves are not as dumb as their blonde hair would suggest and this goes very badly.

Sauron's ring is taken from him, but it will not bend to the will of its new owner. Sauron has invested so much of himself in his Ring of Power that he becomes little more than the energy contained in it, shining atop Barad-dûr as the embodiment of his own lantern until he can be reunited with his ring.

So yeah, to recap here: the One Ring was actually a Ring of Power, and Sauron was Earth’s first Green Lantern.

Thoughts?


*Note: Sauron's original name was Mairon, which if you're like me you'll read as Marion. Congratulations, the Dark Lord is 115% less terrifying. Also, lantern doesn't look like a word anymore.

A very Hobbity Birthday to you!

It is a time-honored tradition here in the Shire that one gives birthday presents on one's birthday, rather than receive them. In that spirit, I am going to give out some gifts to my online friends who may or may not want them.

Simply comment on this post or @nerdheroine a 'Happy Birthday' before midnight (CST) on February 20th and I will spend part of my birthday (the 21st) handing out presents. I'll send you a DM or email as applicable to arrange shipping. Sound good?

This is ONLY open to people currently following me on twitter and people who read my blog. Please don't RT this, I know exactly who my last follower was (because I just wrote it down) and I have a fair idea of who reads this blog. This is a just a thank you for being around and being funny/interesting folk these past six months or so.

So what are the prizes? Mostly things I have around the house I somehow manage to have two of. All are brand new, I just have two (or more) of them due to a series of bizarre circumstances. Did you know I got four copies of Star Trek for Christmas? Yeah, like that. Let's see...





Star Trek (2009)










Chew "Taster's Choice" - includes Chew Issues #1-5









Darwin's "I think" journal entry from the Museum of Natural History, London (poster/print, approx 50x70cm)

One box of mystery and excitement. A miscellany things too small to offer on their own. Includes but is not limited to cards, comics, pins, figurines and/or books.



So if you think you might like to have any of the above drop me a tweet on twitter, or a comment below.

Happy Birthday to me!

Dallas Comic Con

On Saturday I drove the 180+ miles to Dallas so that I could attend ComicCon. It took me just shy of three hours. I then drove the 180+ miles back that night, making for a total of six hours on the road.

It was so worth it.

This was my first Comic Con, although not my first convention. That honor belongs to a Hercules/Xena Convention I went to when I was... 14? I'm not exactly sure although I do clearly remember cosplaying in a toga that became my go-to Halloween costume for the next ten years. Good times, man, good times.

Anyway, my first Comic Con, yes. It was exactly the amount of people I was expecting crammed into about 1/3 the space. The place was a fire hazard waiting to happen.

I went with Kali and Mike Kunkle, the good people of Dreamworthy Gifts, who I met on twitter. No, it turned out they were not in fact serial killers. My TV has been lying to me for years. They were sweet enough to bring me a present...


It's an outdoor plaque, the quarter is included for scale. It's really nice and was totally sweet of them. Which I may or may not have said about fifty times. And they didn't even know I'm studying astronomy! Spooky....

So the con? Man, I keep getting sidetracked. Well, after having lunch we went down to the Richardson Convention Center where I gave up on finding a parking spot and parked like a half mile away. Whatever. Little known fact about me, I don't shop for a space. I'd rather just park in the boonies and walk.

We walk in and are at one end of the artist's hall. There is barely enough room to slide your way through the crowd, and all of the artists I am interested in have hoardes of people between me and them. I'm doing an initial walk-through where I add up prices in my head so I can be sure I have enough money for the stuff I really want. Also, wishing I had some sort of drawing talent at all. Cause like whoa and damn, some of the art was spectacular.

I did get a chance to talk to Joel Watson of Hijink Ensue, one of my favorite webcomics and proud member of my Morning Coffee. He is as funny in real life as in his comic. ( Strangely, a lot of writer's are not.) Also, kind of cute. Just throwin' that out there.

I did end up picking up some pretty neat stuff, chief amongst them being a Godzilla shirt, a Wonder Woman print and 'Godspeed you fancy bastard' (which happens to be the Hijinks Ensue first collection; so, you know, go buy it).


But really it was just a fun time with some really good people. I will definitely go back next year.

(Also, I went to Whole Foods in North Dallas and lamented that I don't actually live near one. That place is amazing.)

Damn you invisible animals living in my body!

I am sick. Bleh. Been trying really really hard not to be for the last couple of days, thought I was doing well today, then got up and did a baby shower for A and was one my feet and busy for about six hours.

Now I feel like shit. Eating soup, drinking Sprite and just generally feeling sorry for myself - as one is wont to do while ill. I will likely spend my Saturday night watching Buffy since I have been wanting to go back and rewatch the series, and since I have it right here...

On the plus side, the dog is super cute when I'm sick. She brought me her ball and after I explained that I wasn't really up to going outside and throwing it, she walked away all dejected like. She returned with her blue squeeky dinosaur and laid it in my lap, then laid her head on my lap. Thank you dog, that makes me feel a lot better.

On a brighter note, I got a Team Edward (James Olmos) in the mail today, from my sister-in-law who is doing everything in her power to become my most awesome relative - blood or otherwise. First it was a Star Trek necklace, then the Geek Girl's Guide to Cheerleading, then Maus... now Team Edward. I love you J.

Battlestar Batman

Lord, I am such a dweeb (Dweebus Maximus is the term according to Kali and Mike of Dreamworthy Gifts). Not only did I not even leave the house on Saturday night, I spent my evening... well, let's go into the backstory first shall I?

Within about a half hour of waking up on Saturday morning I was involved in a conversation about what a Batman / Battlestar Galactica crossover would be like with @hubcomics. Because, yeah, that's my life now.

Well, this lead to discussion on how it would work: Dude, each ship would end up with its own supervillian, with Batman on Galactica. It would be EPIC. As well as ideas for how the story might unfold: Joker kidnaps Gaius Baltar: "Why is 6 afraid of 7?" "I have no idea. Cylon politics?!" "Because 7 8 9!"; DICK "NIGHTWING" GRAYSON vs. LEE "APOLLO" ADAMA in the battle of "I'll never be as good as my dad, either!".

So Saturday night, while I'm sitting at home being a dorkus maximus, I made this... and it cracks me up.

click for full view

So there you go, Jesse, Battlestar Batman.

Blue text is from @hubcomics.

Calibre

[Click to embiggen]

Here's what I want from a program. To do what I want it to do and not a bit more. I keep my computer's records immaculate. Everything on my computer is labeled, cross-referenced and categorised. My life may be a mess, but my computer knows where it's at. I do not need for you to take over my book collection. I can do that myself Calibre.

Do not offer to erase everything from my computer just because I want to erase it from your database. I do not need you to run my life or to arrange it for me.

I do not need this Calibre! I'm sure that deep down you're a very nice program, but you're coming across a little manipulative and creepy. If you were my library boyfriend you'd be Edward from Twilight.

J:505

So Calibre... Calibre... I cannot use the Sony software on my Ubuntu laptop. They do not mix (see the previous J:505 comic). As an alternative, there is this amazing "amazing" software called Calibre that does the work of ten Sony stores, plus two!

I have more to say about Calibre, but I'm going to leave it for the next comic because... well... you'll see. That comic is drawn, but the file got corrupted. Should be up tomorrow.

Walkin' on Sunshine (oh-oh-oh)

I had such dreams of a Lovelace/Johnny 505 pairing. I was prepared to ship Ubuntu/Sony.

My dreams are crushed.

J:505

So... I just got a new laptop. I love my new laptop. My new laptop is named Lovelace.

Johnny 505 does not love my new laptop.

My new laptop has no idea what this strange thing plugged into it is.

(Click to embiggen, it's hard to read at this size)

Based on how other Smart Bitches have handled operating systems outside of Windows, I know how to fix this...

I think.

You can lag it up your...

Here is how I (am forced to) read on the Sony. When I get to the last line on the page, I hit the page turn button. Around the time I’ve finished the page is about the time the page actually turns. This is especially annoying as I’m only viewing one page at a time and thus run into this problem every fifteen seconds or so.

Why is this happening? It’s not like my laptop, which does god only knows what in the background while I work. You have one function Johnny. Sometimes, the lag is so long I question whether I hit the button and hit it again, thus skipping a page when Johnny 505 finally rouses himself from his stupor. I know I have an older model ereader. I know that my computer is slow thus the lag in the Sony estore, while frustrating, is understandable.

But when you are acting on your own, you should not have processing problems! You are performing one job! If my book is boring you hum or something, don’t play solitaire in the background and eat up the processing power. Johnny 505! I am talking to you young man ereader!

On a slightly brighter note, I used Johnny nearly a week before he lost a single bar on his battery indicator. So that’s cool…

But it does not let you off the hook for the page-turn lag sir! Don’t sass me! Go to your room!

If I kill someone over this, I'm going to blame the entire collection of Smart Bitches.

Also see the origin of Johnny 505, the second comic, and some text-based Sony eReader observations.

Why Smart Bitches *Rock*

So let me tell you what’s up with me. A couple of weeks ago, my first favourite blog decided to do a ‘lendaway’. It wasn’t really a giveaway because we don’t get to keep what we were given. They called it a ‘test drive’.

Of what, you may ask? Oh my dear gentle reader, a Sony 505. It's an e-reader. You know how you never realise how wrong things are in your life until they go right? This experience has been totally like that,

[click image to embiggen]

(No, that wasn’t artistic exaggeration, angels actually did sing when I opened the box. Serious.)

Yes, I have, currently in my possession a Sony 505. And it is awesome. I’ve only had it like eight hours (six of those I spent at work), and I can still say without qualification, it is awesome. I started reading The Patchwork Girl of Oz at work because a) I read ‘Skin Horse’ and wanted some background for Unity* and b) I totally cleaned out the selection of free books the Sony store offers. Rock on.

Check out Smart Bitches, Trashy Books [also in the sidebar] if you get a chance, and check back with me for further J:505 adventures. (Yes, I did name it Johnny 505 so I could make a 'Johnny 5 is alive' joke at some point in the future. Hush.)

To the Smart Bitches themselves, you rock so fully. I love you so much.

*If you don’t know what that means, see ‘Webcomics you should be reading’ on the sidebar