Terminator Salvation

Let me start by saying this: I am not a Terminator fan. I’ve seen the first three movies, and was a sufficient age for the third one to see it in theatres and be moderately entertained. I know Skynet and John Connor when I hear them and can place them appropriately in the fandom. That’s as much my general SciFi geekness as anything though.

Terminator Salvation was a movie. I have a hard time of saying whether it was ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Things happened, stuff blew up, people were terminated – it was a movie. It had no redeeming social value whatsoever, but I did enjoy it for the most part. Way more than I did Angels and Demons *ptew* which I was actually looking forward to and can’t say without spitting now, it was that bad.

Terminator Salavation was simply kind of there. I do think that had I not gone to the midnight showing I would have liked it significantly less. The 80% male crowd I was with was rowdy and loving it. They kind of made the movie for me.

To start, was anyone surprised that Marcus ended up being a Terminator? They showed it in the trailers for Cthuhlu’s sake! It was so obviously spoiled for everyone that I’m not even going to hide it behind white text. I am more than willing to suspend disbelief - I’m very good at it, it’s what makes SciFi and Fantasy so much fun for me. I would have been honestly surprised when the big reveal came, complete with a soundtrack that said ‘Hey look, he’s not what you thought!’. It would have been cool. Instead, the audience yawned and impatiently tapped their toes while waiting for the movie to progress. Bugger you sideways trailer/preview people, it would have been the only awesome thing in the movie.

Note: I was totally spoiled for a facet of Helena Bonham Carter’s character, which in the end never turned up. In fact, I’m curious as to how much of her story was cut. It seemed like there was a whole other thing going on that we only saw hints of. Moving on…

The movie itself was super cool in the effects department and I like how the post-apocalyptic world under Skynet turned out. Although, my toaster could have found the remaining human encampments, they were that well hidden. Also, did anyone else think it was weird that Connor was practically pimping his mother out from the future?

The main thing, and the only reason I would see the movie again, was this: Arnold Schwarzeneggar. The CGI cameo of Ahnold was rockin’ awesome. The whole theatre cheered. Seeing the connection from this origin movie to the original Terminator was a nice touch that actually redeemed the movie a great deal.

All in all, if someone had it on I’d watch it, but I wouldn’t spend money on it. Even for you Christian Bale.

Also: go read this.

Star Trek XI

I don’t know what to say about the newest Trek movie that hasn’t already been said a hundred times over. It was, in my opinion, a fantastic movie and mediocre Trek. I think this picture of Wil Wheaton leaving the movie sums it up nicely (WW is the freakshow on the right).

A fantastic movie because whoa and damn, I cried in the first ten minutes from the drama and in the last ten because I knew it was about to end. My father and I had to resist the urge to turn around and see it again right then. I saw it three times the first week and was entertained every time. It was a blend of action, character and plot that worked for me.

Bad Trek because there was no deep philosophical thought. No ethical dilemma. Bad things are happening and we must stop them. Any qualms about changing the timeline were lampshaded by Spock’ and never heard from again. That’s not what Trek is really about, and slapping a stylised arrowhead on a ship and calling it the Enterprise does not the Enterprise make. Yet the potential is there, and I give them props for succeeding in blending movie and Trek as best they could while juggling making an origin movie as well.

I would like to add here that at no point has a Trek movie had to, or even attempted to, introduce the Trek characters to us. Both I-VI and VII-X assumed you already knew the cast from their respective shows. This movie introduced the characters as though we’d never met them before. And maybe it didn’t flesh some characters out as much as some people might want, but there are seven main crew members from the Original Series – someone is going to suffer lack of development. I just wish we’d had more backstory for McCoy. For one, he’s an integral part of the Kirk dynamic; where Spock is Kirk’s logical side and McCoy his intuitive. For seconds, Karl Urban is yum, I always had a thing for McCoy (right after my thing for Riker) and I would have totally gotten behind Eomer cruising the bridge while growling about green-blooded hobgoblins for two hours. But that’s just me.

Did it fail a bit on the plot level? Yeah. There were plot holes big enough to drive Nero’s ship through but you know what? At no point during the movie did I give a rat’s ass. Yes, after a monologue from Nero about his problems we then got to hear virtually the exact same monologue from Spock’. That was the only part in subsequent viewings that I could have done without, although I was still reeling from Spock’ shock the first time around to care much. If we could have gotten the backstory from the comic, I think Nero would have made a bit more sense as a villain. But again, seven characters we care about and five got shafted on character development. If someone had to suffer lack of character, I’ll fiddle while Nero burns.

[An Aside with minor non-Movie Spoilers: Speaking of the comic, how awesome is it that Data is now Captain Data? About freaking time. He’s been in Starfleet for... let’s see, he graduated Starfleet in 2345 and the comic takes place in 2387. So 42 years, but we don’t know how long he’d been Captain for when the Romulus incident happened. He was to become First Officer of the Enterprise-E in 2379, but even with a definite date, it still took 34 years to gain such a post. I’m willing to believe that Data encountered some prejudice when it came to promotions given his non-living status, but forty years is a whole career for lesser mortals. Although, Riker stayed a Commander for fifteen years because he loved the Enterprise so much. So maybe that’s it. The Enterprise is killer on promotions unless you’re the new Kirk. (Aside within an aside: I know Data was lost during Nemesis, but the events of the comic suggests that B-4 was successfully imprinted with Data’s memories and is a new Data. Shut up, I have too much time on my hands.)]

My one complaint with the movie, and it got more and more upsetting to me with every viewing, is this: Uhura. Don’t get me wrong, as an ancillary character she kind of rocked (even if she was upsettingly skinny) and I have no problem with how she got on the bridge or with her relationship with Spock. As someone pointed out, she definitely dispersed some of the HoYay of the Kirk/Spock relationship. However a woman who leaves her post in an emergency to comfort a lover and make out? It was way out of character for both Uhura and Uhura’. As an officer, she should and would have waited for a more appropriate time to talk to her friend. That bugged me.

I love Trek because it is about hope. It shows that no matter the wars and troubles of today, if we can get past the problems we face we can reach out into a bright future where the stars are no longer the limit. It is a vision of our future that stands next to Mad Max and Blade Runner and thumb its nose while muttering “pessimists”.

I saw it five times. I finally got my Trek tattoo I’ve wanted since I fell in love with Will Riker when I was five. After years of reruns and DVDs, it made me dig out my original flavour Enterprise model from behind some family photos and hang my Enterprise-D from my review mirror. It reached inside me and shifted my Trekkie switch off of neutral and back into drive.

But really it all boils down to this:

Thank you, JJ Abrams, for making it okay to love Star Trek again.

I'm not sure...

I'm not one to believe in the supernatural. I am a skeptic through and through and if you are going to make extraordinary claims you better have some extraordinary evidence.

So how to explain this?

It somewhat defies description does it not? These would be two bleach bottles I found on my grandpa's porch one morning. Perfectly aligned, to what I do not know.

Either the world is strange or my grandpa is. Possibly both.

Tauren Cat Cake

Oh-Em-Gee. That was both easier and significantly more difficult than I thought it was going to be. And the final product? Lordy, he’s cute.

(For the back story and Stumpy head thataways.)

To start with on Tuesday morning I made my own buttercream icing but since I’m never going to do that again you get no pictures. Okay, here, you can have one.

This was way more trouble than it’s worth as I used two sticks of butter, a pound of powdered sugar, half and half, and a lot of time to get half the amount you can buy from Betty Crocker for a buck fifty. I’m all for homemade, but seriously, where’s the sense in expending a lot more effort, time and money to get half the product? None, that’s what I say.

The shaping of the Tauren-Cat was actually pretty easy. Even though you can’t see it, the bottom layer actually came out of the pan in about three pieces. But it’s the bottom layer so plbbt! Who’s going to know?

Here’s what Tauren-Cat looked like all shaped up. Notice the clever use of cupcakes to fill in at his neck and to make his tail. Go ahead, notice.

Dear Lord, isn’t he cute? That round little nose is going to be my undoing. When we start eating him, I’m going for the snout.

I had to protect him overnight on Tuesday since I wasn’t going to put on the fondant until Wednesday (today?). There was nothing for the cling film to stick to so I held it down with virtually my entire spice collection. If you ever wondered what my spice cabinet had in it, here’s your chance.

And this was what was left.

From forty cakes to four. Jeez.

Next morning came time to ice. I had bought three containers of buttercream icing, and they covered approximately 85% of the cake.

Of course, I had to do what I was trying so hard not to through very careful planning. I had to go out and get more. I bought two more containers of frosting but only ended up using half of one. The other is spare, I’m sure I’ll use it eventually for something or other.

And here he is all iced up and super-cute.

Next, came fondant. I’d show you how I colored it but I wasn’t about to go picking up my camera with food coloring all over my hands. Just imagine the most strenuous kneading process you can imagine and go with that. But with color. Next, you roll out the fondant. I’d heard to use cornstarch to keep the fondant from sticking, but I used powdered sugar which worked fine and was yummier.

They sell a special rolling pin for this, but I used this one I got a buck at Christmas. As long as there’s no seam on it, it’ll be fine.

Also, I broke the cardinal rule of cake decorating. I covered him in pieces. Ordinarily, you should roll out one big sheet and lay it over the cake, then trim off any excess. But look at him, He’s all funny shaped. So I did the head, legs and tail separate.

There were some flaws mainly around the neck, but I knew no one would see the neck area so I didn’t sweat it too much.

Then came more coloring, so no intermediary pictures again (Sorry!), but the mane was made by starting halfway down his back and gluing down triangles of brown fondant. To ‘glue’ down fondant, just mix up a little bit of gumpaste in some water and the stuff will stick like you were using super-glue.

And here is he 98% complete. (He still needs his horns)

Hey! We haven’t heard from Stumpy in a while, let’s check in shall we?

In the last few days, Stumpy has gotten some detail work done. His loincloth is snazzier and he can see now, so that’s good.

But what you really want to see isn’t Stumpy, it’s the final Tauren-Cat. I’ll finish off with the picture but I want to say this, if I had a better eye for detail and wasn’t so prone to losing my patience the cake would have been a piece of… well… cake. I’d totally do it again, and I learned things.

1. Own a paintbrush to use in the kitchen. This is for dusting powdered sugar off of fondant, or any number of other uses, but that one springs to mind.

2. Fondant is not so difficult to work with as one might think. Seriously, once I got the hang of rolling it, it was a cinch.

3. I am the coolest friend ever. We all already knew that, but I totally am.

Remember what we started with? Let’s do a before and after like they do on reality shows.

Before:

After:

Update: R liked his cake, although I forgot he was on a diet so probably not so much with the eating. The SO was very impressed, thus not a total wash. Also, Stumpy's arm fell off as we were leaving the house. Also also, I got a job offer for a pastry chef position from someone at the restaurant. But with very little pay and very early hours so that's a no. Yet very cool.

Deep Breaths

Over the course of the next couple of days I will be attempting to turn this...


Into one of these...


Those of you who are of a religious inclination, pray for me.

(I will be posting about the process, but probably in stages as Holy *Shark* this is going to be interesting)

Creating Life

My skills tend to be somewhat less than I believe they are. I over-estimate my baking prowess. While I can make a decent cake / cookie / pie, when it comes to gussying it up I fall flat.

So why am I cursing at a package of gumpaste at 11 o’clock on a Saturday night?

Because I’m a good friend, and a friend’s birthday is fast approaching. I had originally planned on cookies and the thought was to make World of Warcraft the theme. This was before the Valentine’s Day cookie debacle (of which there were no survivors). Since it turns out I can’t decorate a heart, I almost immediately had second thoughts about an army of edible Taurens and Night Elves. But R is a good friend and he needed something awesome. And something awesome is what he shall have.

It was time to make my creative side for a road test.

I knew what I wanted to do for the cake (more on that later), but I also wanted something supercool as a side decoration. To distract from the cake if necessary. Something the likes of which the world has never seen. Something like… an edible version of R’s World of Warcraft character.

Let’s take a sidetrip here for a second – R’s character is called a Tauren. It’s a little like a minotaur and looks something like this.

R’s specifically looks like this.

Don’t say I’m not ambitious.

Has anyone ever heard of gumpaste? It’s about twice as appetising as it sounds (which is admittedly not much) and if you’ve ever been to a wedding chances are at least part of the cake’s decorations were made of the stuff. It’s rather like edible modelling clay (parents take note!). You can dye it to whatever colour you like, although you’ll get carpal-tunnel trying to knead in a dark colour. And I don’t care how many times I’m told you can create a decent brown using other colours, invest in a bottle of the stuff. Much like having black on hand – this will save you heartbreak down the line. Gumpaste looks like this out of the package.

And then it looked like this.



It's alive. Alive!

Since it was midnight before I got the hang of this and nearly one before I finished I have no intermediary pictures. My bad. But this is what it looks like 75% done – 75% because next week I’m going to break out the food pens and and give him so minor details. Like eyes.

Gumpaste is a little tough to work with at first but becomes much easier as you knead and work with it. Almost too easy. The poor Tauren’s legs shortened quite a bit as I tried to stand him up to dry out. I think I’ll call you Stumpy.

He’s missing something though…
Got it, every Tauren worth his horns needs an axe.

And tell me that nose ring doesn't rock your socks.