Actual conversation after the ending of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
John: Actually, when Lincoln gave the Gettysburg address no one cheered, everyone thought it was shit.
Me: That's what you're choosing to nitpick over?
24 June 2012
15 June 2012
Discount this
Twice in the past week I have had to get into a discussion with a salesperson because of a clearly marked discount that they did not understand. And I mean this in the most generous sense possible: these were manufacturer's discounts the store was running on their behalf, not just some salesperson being dumb or oblivious. It was just obvious the store hadn't thought things through.
Both incident happened in the same store.
[Note: I'm about to enter and intensive 10-week course which will have me working 16 hour days so I'm stocking up on candies and cookies so I don't kill someone around week six. These will be kept in the car in case of me or other people emergency. Anyway...]
In the first case, there was a discount on M&Ms, $1.00 for any pack (sizes 1.6something or larger). I bought two packs of peanut butter M&Ms - sharing size which is like 3.something something. Larger to get to the point. Of course - they did not ring up with the discount and the clerk kept explaining to me over and over it only referred to the regular size bags, like in the picture. I told her I understood this, but the sign also clearly says or larger. We both agreed my sharing size bags were larger. Eventually she just gave up and sold me at that price. Winner = Me.
Now, tonight, I go in and see a deal which is 3 single serving Nabisco packs for $2. On the shelf were some Oreos, Chips Ahoy, something else, and Oreo Cakesters. All Nabisco, all single serving. I bring up three of the Cakesters because all the nom are mine thank you. Now the cakester packs, if you haven't seen them, are obviously a little larger than the others. But still single serving. Again, they ring up at something like $1.84 each and obviously not discounted. I start again, although this time I'm not as pushy because the sign says regular price is $.89 and these were clearly not that. But I did point out to the guy that he needs to move the cakesters in that case, since they're on the shelf with the things that are on sale and they have no price on them to let people know they're not. Winner = them :(
I know it's sometimes asking a lot of people, but please actually consider what you are actually offering before you commit to it. My examples are small scale, but they range all the way up to the guy who ended up winning an F-16 from Pepsi (who of course reneged).
Both incident happened in the same store.
[Note: I'm about to enter and intensive 10-week course which will have me working 16 hour days so I'm stocking up on candies and cookies so I don't kill someone around week six. These will be kept in the car in case of me or other people emergency. Anyway...]
Now, tonight, I go in and see a deal which is 3 single serving Nabisco packs for $2. On the shelf were some Oreos, Chips Ahoy, something else, and Oreo Cakesters. All Nabisco, all single serving. I bring up three of the Cakesters because all the nom are mine thank you. Now the cakester packs, if you haven't seen them, are obviously a little larger than the others. But still single serving. Again, they ring up at something like $1.84 each and obviously not discounted. I start again, although this time I'm not as pushy because the sign says regular price is $.89 and these were clearly not that. But I did point out to the guy that he needs to move the cakesters in that case, since they're on the shelf with the things that are on sale and they have no price on them to let people know they're not. Winner = them :(
I know it's sometimes asking a lot of people, but please actually consider what you are actually offering before you commit to it. My examples are small scale, but they range all the way up to the guy who ended up winning an F-16 from Pepsi (who of course reneged).
02 June 2012
Snow White and The Huntsman
If this movie was a fourth-grader, I would rate it as 'Exceeds Expectations'. I did not have high hopes for this movie, even considering I thought it looked beautiful and have been waiting for it for some time.
The plot is pretty much basic Snow White. Evil queen takes over kingdom, banishing young princess in some way. Princess escapes into forest, pursued by huntsman. Dwarves are met and help Snow White defeat the evil queen. The land rejoices.
But this movie grows up in many ways from the more traditional tellings - and is much truer to the original feel of the fairy tale (much darker).
I have to say, I like badass retellings of famous fairy tales. I like seeing the damsel in distress pick herself up and kick some ass. It's nice and really validates to me how much I loved these stories as a kid, and how much I still do. Seeing Snow White pick up her sword and charge the castle at the head of her own army is a big cheering moment.
The dwarves are one of the high points of the film - although after seeing Peter Dinklage do his thing in Game of Thrones, I'm wondering why they used full sized humans and visual effects instead of casting actual dwarves. (Is that correct? What's the PC term?) But they are awesome, a little bit of comic relief without undermining their own pain at the land dying around them.
(Note: There were occasions when I had no idea whatsoever what the dwarves and occasionally the Huntsman were saying. A combination of their accents and their deep, gruff, gravelly, 'I've seen things you can't even imagine' voices. It meant I missed things I'm super curious about.)
I've seen lots of people, and reviewers, taking exception on if this Snow White is objectively fairier than the Queen (that Kristen Stewart is more beautiful than Charlize Theron). They seem to take it as a plot device that you just have to buy into in order for the movie to move forward. But I disagree. Not that Kirsten is better looking than Charlize - that's a matter of preference and I think both are gorgeous. But on which is fairer. In that case, it's no contest between them. For all her beauty and poise, the Queen is not fair, she's not beautiful on the inside. Whereas Snow White is beautiful inside and out. She has compassion and joy in life where the Queen is bitter and angry. The word choice here is important, Who is the fairest of them all? The queen nominally qualifies, she is gorgeous - but Snow White is the whole package.
Another part of the movie that seems strange is the love interest angle. The movie definitely moves towards the idea that Snow White and the Huntsman belong together - the other love interest (the more appropriate one) gets short shrifted throughout the movie. It's a little confusing when you're watching because what seems like the designated love interest is extraneous to the move. Spoilers: In fact, it's the Huntsman who's kiss wakes Snow White from the apple bite. Looking at casting news, it looks like the originally had much older men in mind for the role: Viggo Mortenson, Hugh Jackman. And except for that one moment, the movie plays the Huntsman as being much older and more of a father/mentor than a love interest. But how could you waste Chris Hemsworth like that? The result is a weird dynamic between the three, and a scene that seems slotted in. Also, no clean ending to any of the romance.
Which is nice, because this movie, this story, isn't about Snow White finding the love of her life - or finding some to save her from the evils of the world. It's about her confronting her own fears and finding her own way. Becoming her own woman. I love to watch people fall in love - but on looking back I'm actually glad the movie ends on her becoming queen - not getting married or a kiss, but her standing in her crown in the moment she has earned.
So as usual I've glossed over the plot, which is fine, it's what I do. But I'll finish this fairly short review with I enjoyed the movie. Would like to see it again (not for $11 - but sometime) and will probably get the DVD.
The plot is pretty much basic Snow White. Evil queen takes over kingdom, banishing young princess in some way. Princess escapes into forest, pursued by huntsman. Dwarves are met and help Snow White defeat the evil queen. The land rejoices.But this movie grows up in many ways from the more traditional tellings - and is much truer to the original feel of the fairy tale (much darker).
I have to say, I like badass retellings of famous fairy tales. I like seeing the damsel in distress pick herself up and kick some ass. It's nice and really validates to me how much I loved these stories as a kid, and how much I still do. Seeing Snow White pick up her sword and charge the castle at the head of her own army is a big cheering moment.
The dwarves are one of the high points of the film - although after seeing Peter Dinklage do his thing in Game of Thrones, I'm wondering why they used full sized humans and visual effects instead of casting actual dwarves. (Is that correct? What's the PC term?) But they are awesome, a little bit of comic relief without undermining their own pain at the land dying around them.
(Note: There were occasions when I had no idea whatsoever what the dwarves and occasionally the Huntsman were saying. A combination of their accents and their deep, gruff, gravelly, 'I've seen things you can't even imagine' voices. It meant I missed things I'm super curious about.)
I've seen lots of people, and reviewers, taking exception on if this Snow White is objectively fairier than the Queen (that Kristen Stewart is more beautiful than Charlize Theron). They seem to take it as a plot device that you just have to buy into in order for the movie to move forward. But I disagree. Not that Kirsten is better looking than Charlize - that's a matter of preference and I think both are gorgeous. But on which is fairer. In that case, it's no contest between them. For all her beauty and poise, the Queen is not fair, she's not beautiful on the inside. Whereas Snow White is beautiful inside and out. She has compassion and joy in life where the Queen is bitter and angry. The word choice here is important, Who is the fairest of them all? The queen nominally qualifies, she is gorgeous - but Snow White is the whole package.
Another part of the movie that seems strange is the love interest angle. The movie definitely moves towards the idea that Snow White and the Huntsman belong together - the other love interest (the more appropriate one) gets short shrifted throughout the movie. It's a little confusing when you're watching because what seems like the designated love interest is extraneous to the move. Spoilers: In fact, it's the Huntsman who's kiss wakes Snow White from the apple bite. Looking at casting news, it looks like the originally had much older men in mind for the role: Viggo Mortenson, Hugh Jackman. And except for that one moment, the movie plays the Huntsman as being much older and more of a father/mentor than a love interest. But how could you waste Chris Hemsworth like that? The result is a weird dynamic between the three, and a scene that seems slotted in. Also, no clean ending to any of the romance.
Which is nice, because this movie, this story, isn't about Snow White finding the love of her life - or finding some to save her from the evils of the world. It's about her confronting her own fears and finding her own way. Becoming her own woman. I love to watch people fall in love - but on looking back I'm actually glad the movie ends on her becoming queen - not getting married or a kiss, but her standing in her crown in the moment she has earned.
So as usual I've glossed over the plot, which is fine, it's what I do. But I'll finish this fairly short review with I enjoyed the movie. Would like to see it again (not for $11 - but sometime) and will probably get the DVD.
26 May 2012
IT - The Movie
Why am I doing this?
Let the liveblog of IT - the movie - commence...
You know what, the scariest part of the book for me is the beginning with Georgie. The movie starts no different, as I'm typing there are some cheap thrills with blood leaking from Georgie's picture and the thing itself winking at him - but the moment where little adorable Georgie and the clown chat is undercut with such menace that it gives me shivers. I'm sitting here thinking that there's no way that Pennywise will get him because he's just too adorable for words. But of course that makes no difference in this world.
Adult Bill is a jackass, for the record. He's mean to Audra and I can totally see why he'll end up cheating on her down the line.
Adult Ben is about the weirdest flirt there is "Would you believe I used to be fat. Like butterball fat. Fat fat fat. You have no conception of how fat I was."
In the book, the whole thing with Henry Bowers seems natural - if evil. In the movie it feels very forced. They're being assholes because the script calls for it - not because they have any reason to (evil or otherwise).
Adult Beverly gets away with little fuss. Young Beverly also has some trouble and there's instant attraction between Bill & Bev. Suddenly, I'm remembering the 'Let's fuck for hope' scene in the book and I'm having a bad feeling.
Seth Green is cute as shit as Richie, although he looks at least five years older than everyone else. Young Stanley looks familiar, but IMDB says it's the only thing he's ever been in so....
The kid's families inability to see the weirdness works much better on film than in the book though.
Tim Curry is obviously having the time of his life being Pennywise which means I'm having trouble being scared by it. Or It I suppose. I know I'm supposed to be, but I'm not.
Well, I'm happy to see that movie kids have the good sense to bring flashlights into the sewers with them - instead of matches like a bunch of dumbasses.
OH! I just realized who Stanley looks like - Joseph Gordon-Levitt. It's not him, but
LOL Henry's hair turns white - from fright I can only assume. I totally lost my train of thought when that happened.
I want to also point out I keep pausing the movie to do other things because I'm more than a little bored. Why is this 3-hours long!?! I looked up some online reviews and most people are like, the book is over 1,000 pages of course the movie is three-hours.
But you know what? The book is about 800 pages too long too.
And I missed the climax of the kid's part while I was typing that. It was pretty anti-climatic, actually. Am I jaded by modern movies? The answer is yes.
This is the part in the book where Bev has sex with everyone - 12-year-old Bev I want to clarify. I don't want you to think this is in any way okay. Thankfully the movie is skipping that nonsense.
Oh no, adult Stan just killed himself. :( <-- sadface is sad
End part One. I guess. My DVD just stopped. Maybe that's all of the movie I get.
--------
So there is a Part Two.
Ha, I just noticed that the scene selection thing - which is a balloon - goes to a blood splatter when you select something.
Fuck you Tim Curry, you're starting to actually freak me out more than a little. Stop that shit.
*cough* Anyways...
Richie drives into town and is much more perturbed by the Paramount having closed down than the fact that it got renamed from the Aladdin between the book and movie.
Should I be laughing at Pennywise's antics in the library? Probably not, but damn it Tim Curry, quit having such a good time!
I read somewhere that that's Tim Curry's actual hair, dyed one can only assume. If it's not, nobody disillusion me of this pleasethanks.
Why and how are we still having flashbacks? We already saw them defeat the monster in the first part.
It is really a 50/50 thing for me. Either I'm entertained by Tim Curry and how awesome he is - or he's scaring the crap out of me. No middle ground of 'Oh look, it's Tim Curry.'
FISGZSKHJA;BFDKLN WHY IS NICE OLD MAN SPEAKING WITH PENNYWISE VOICE!?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?
And they're all meeting up at the Chinese restaurant but they don't know that Stanley is dead.
:( <-- sadface
Ominous fortune cookies are ominous. And... there they go. Ew ew ew ew. Never eating a fortune cookie again. Wait, is the turtle in the movie? Oh please oh please, I have been so good this year. {Note from the future: there's no turtle in this movie.}
I will never look at balloons the same way again and talking heads are freaky even without going on in the Pennywise voice.
Awwww, Henry Bowers grew into everyone's favorite uncle. The slightly crazy one who rents R movies for you and your friends. I'm not sure I can be scared of this guy. And FUCK ALL THIS TALKING IN PENNYWISE VOICE SHIT. NO MORE. I say. NO MORE.
HAHAHAHAHA Dog in a clown costume! Dog in a clown costume! HAHAHAHA. Thanks for that movie.
So here's a side story, when I was about eleven or twelve I saw the Disney version of The Three Musketeers on video*. My best friend and I instantly fell in love with the whole thing and since then I can say, with no exaggeration, I've seen it well over 100 times. I know the Sting/Bryan Adams/ Rod Stewart song pretty much by heart. [Let's make it all for one/ and all for love!] This is the version with all the eye-candy - Keifer Sutherland, a young (ie not [very] drug-addled) Charlie Sheen, a fairly slim Oliver Platt, Chris O'Donnell and a vicious and awesome Tim Curry as the villain. Now, I know Tim Curry is not exactly an attractive man. You know this too, even if you are attracted to him. He objectively looks evil. But for some reason he was probably my first villain crush. If you don't count Hexxus in Fern Gully who, in his first song, caused me to spontaneously enter puberty. Is it coincidence he was also voiced by Tim Curry? I think not.
What I'm trying to say here is I have a sort oflove/lust/hate relationship with Tim Curry. He equal parts freaks me out and turns me on. So when, in the course of this movie, Pennywise starts growling "Don't you want it?" over and over... I kind of got a hot and bothered until I actually looked up at the TV and saw that giant clown face with glowing eyes and pointy teeth. My future sexual fantasies are going to be fucking weird.
* For those of you born after 1990, videos were the things that came before DVDs and they were a giant pain in the ass. You couldn't just skip to parts you liked, but had to wait while the VCR mechanically spooled the tape in the direction you indicated. There were no bonus features except occasionally previews for upcoming movies which if you tried to skip you ran the risk of missing the first part of the movie too. They sucked. People of the past should be ashamed of themselves.
Moving on!
Why is Mike Hanlon staying at the hotel? Did I miss the part where this was explained? Wait! Henry Bowers uses sneak attack! It is super effective!
Is Bev going to screw Ben instead of Bill? Okay, I can get behind that. So can he apparently.
Ba-dump-cha! Thank you, I'm here all week.
WHAT THE HOLY FUCK THAT WAS PENNYWISE?!? Ben does not harbor the same conflicting desires for Pennywise as I do it seems. That's probably for the best.
And there goes Henry. :( <-- sadface is getting too much use
"Why is It so mean?!" HAHAHAHA Bev. Really? In the cuddle with Ben she starts saying the same thing Pennywise did in his cuddle with Ben (Ben gets all the cuddles). And Ben freaks the fuck out. Rightfully so. Bill gets no action in this movie.
Wait, this is new. Ten years ago Mike went to find It. It gave him grey hair. I'm not sure what this new scene is accomplishing.
I zoned out for a bit, I think they're going after It. Yep, there they go. With flashlights again. Good boys. And Bev. Who's been pretty useless I must say.
ACK. Georgie's boat is creepy, and why are you standing over a drain? You know that's how It comes. Bill taunts It while continuing to stand over the drain because he is an IDIOT.
Pennywise shows up to taunt them, and I have a sneaking feeling this might be the last time we see him as the book ends with a giant spider, not the clown. Also a turtle. Please let there be a turtle.
Awww, Eddie fesses up to not being married (which he is in the book) and to being a virgin - which in the book Bev relieves him of. So I'm super confused right now. Also, Eddie dies doesn't he? This is all kinds of sad. {Note from the future: And pointless.)
Matte-painting of spiderwebs is interesting. Giant 80s effect spider is meh. Close-ups are better.
Bill gets hypnotized, Ben runs in to help and gets hypnotized. Richie makes the losers 0 for 3. I'm not sure where Bev went but Eddie comes to the rescue with his inhaler. Well, sort of. The spider kind of mostly starts eating him. But Bev shoots it. Not killing it. It runs away so they give chase (leaving a [dead?] Eddie behind).
Then they attack it with their bare hands and it's HILARIOUS. They pull out its heart and it dies. Yes, I'm not capitalizing it in this case because the spider is not It. Whatevs.
But they DO carry Eddie out of the sewers which is nice. It bugged me in the book that they left him down there.
Wait, the town didn't collapse on itself? That's bullshit. The idea that Derry is part of It was intrinsic to the book. Leaving that out makes the whole thing just, meaner, somehow. It means that the adults turned away because they were genuinely bad, that Henry Bowers was literally a psycho, that all of the murders remain mostly uninvestigated because the police are douches. This is not good cricket, movie version of book. Not good cricket at all.
But we do get the bicycle ride of hilarity which magically heals his wife for no discernible reason. Which means It has left me giggling rather than scared.
So that's nice.
WHY IS PENNYWISE LAUGHING AT THE END OF MY MOVIE? WHY ARE WE ENDING ON CIRCUS MUSIC? NOTHING IS BEAUTIFUL AND EVERYTHING HURTS.
I'm going to watch some My Little Pony now. Fuck this shit.
-------
My reading of It...
IT Part One
IT Part Two
IT - Intermission
IT Part Two (redux)
IT Part Three
IT Part Four
IT Part Five
Let the liveblog of IT - the movie - commence...
You know what, the scariest part of the book for me is the beginning with Georgie. The movie starts no different, as I'm typing there are some cheap thrills with blood leaking from Georgie's picture and the thing itself winking at him - but the moment where little adorable Georgie and the clown chat is undercut with such menace that it gives me shivers. I'm sitting here thinking that there's no way that Pennywise will get him because he's just too adorable for words. But of course that makes no difference in this world.
Adult Bill is a jackass, for the record. He's mean to Audra and I can totally see why he'll end up cheating on her down the line.
Adult Ben is about the weirdest flirt there is "Would you believe I used to be fat. Like butterball fat. Fat fat fat. You have no conception of how fat I was."
In the book, the whole thing with Henry Bowers seems natural - if evil. In the movie it feels very forced. They're being assholes because the script calls for it - not because they have any reason to (evil or otherwise).
Adult Beverly gets away with little fuss. Young Beverly also has some trouble and there's instant attraction between Bill & Bev. Suddenly, I'm remembering the 'Let's fuck for hope' scene in the book and I'm having a bad feeling.
Seth Green is cute as shit as Richie, although he looks at least five years older than everyone else. Young Stanley looks familiar, but IMDB says it's the only thing he's ever been in so....
The kid's families inability to see the weirdness works much better on film than in the book though.
Tim Curry is obviously having the time of his life being Pennywise which means I'm having trouble being scared by it. Or It I suppose. I know I'm supposed to be, but I'm not.
Well, I'm happy to see that movie kids have the good sense to bring flashlights into the sewers with them - instead of matches like a bunch of dumbasses.
OH! I just realized who Stanley looks like - Joseph Gordon-Levitt. It's not him, but
LOL Henry's hair turns white - from fright I can only assume. I totally lost my train of thought when that happened.
I want to also point out I keep pausing the movie to do other things because I'm more than a little bored. Why is this 3-hours long!?! I looked up some online reviews and most people are like, the book is over 1,000 pages of course the movie is three-hours.
But you know what? The book is about 800 pages too long too.
And I missed the climax of the kid's part while I was typing that. It was pretty anti-climatic, actually. Am I jaded by modern movies? The answer is yes.
This is the part in the book where Bev has sex with everyone - 12-year-old Bev I want to clarify. I don't want you to think this is in any way okay. Thankfully the movie is skipping that nonsense.
Oh no, adult Stan just killed himself. :( <-- sadface is sad
End part One. I guess. My DVD just stopped. Maybe that's all of the movie I get.
--------
So there is a Part Two.
Ha, I just noticed that the scene selection thing - which is a balloon - goes to a blood splatter when you select something.
Fuck you Tim Curry, you're starting to actually freak me out more than a little. Stop that shit.
*cough* Anyways...
Richie drives into town and is much more perturbed by the Paramount having closed down than the fact that it got renamed from the Aladdin between the book and movie.
Should I be laughing at Pennywise's antics in the library? Probably not, but damn it Tim Curry, quit having such a good time!
I read somewhere that that's Tim Curry's actual hair, dyed one can only assume. If it's not, nobody disillusion me of this pleasethanks.
Why and how are we still having flashbacks? We already saw them defeat the monster in the first part.
It is really a 50/50 thing for me. Either I'm entertained by Tim Curry and how awesome he is - or he's scaring the crap out of me. No middle ground of 'Oh look, it's Tim Curry.'
FISGZSKHJA;BFDKLN WHY IS NICE OLD MAN SPEAKING WITH PENNYWISE VOICE!?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?
And they're all meeting up at the Chinese restaurant but they don't know that Stanley is dead.
:( <-- sadface
Ominous fortune cookies are ominous. And... there they go. Ew ew ew ew. Never eating a fortune cookie again. Wait, is the turtle in the movie? Oh please oh please, I have been so good this year. {Note from the future: there's no turtle in this movie.}
I will never look at balloons the same way again and talking heads are freaky even without going on in the Pennywise voice.
Awwww, Henry Bowers grew into everyone's favorite uncle. The slightly crazy one who rents R movies for you and your friends. I'm not sure I can be scared of this guy. And FUCK ALL THIS TALKING IN PENNYWISE VOICE SHIT. NO MORE. I say. NO MORE.
HAHAHAHAHA Dog in a clown costume! Dog in a clown costume! HAHAHAHA. Thanks for that movie.
So here's a side story, when I was about eleven or twelve I saw the Disney version of The Three Musketeers on video*. My best friend and I instantly fell in love with the whole thing and since then I can say, with no exaggeration, I've seen it well over 100 times. I know the Sting/Bryan Adams/ Rod Stewart song pretty much by heart. [Let's make it all for one/ and all for love!] This is the version with all the eye-candy - Keifer Sutherland, a young (ie not [very] drug-addled) Charlie Sheen, a fairly slim Oliver Platt, Chris O'Donnell and a vicious and awesome Tim Curry as the villain. Now, I know Tim Curry is not exactly an attractive man. You know this too, even if you are attracted to him. He objectively looks evil. But for some reason he was probably my first villain crush. If you don't count Hexxus in Fern Gully who, in his first song, caused me to spontaneously enter puberty. Is it coincidence he was also voiced by Tim Curry? I think not.
What I'm trying to say here is I have a sort of
* For those of you born after 1990, videos were the things that came before DVDs and they were a giant pain in the ass. You couldn't just skip to parts you liked, but had to wait while the VCR mechanically spooled the tape in the direction you indicated. There were no bonus features except occasionally previews for upcoming movies which if you tried to skip you ran the risk of missing the first part of the movie too. They sucked. People of the past should be ashamed of themselves.
Moving on!
Why is Mike Hanlon staying at the hotel? Did I miss the part where this was explained? Wait! Henry Bowers uses sneak attack! It is super effective!
Is Bev going to screw Ben instead of Bill? Okay, I can get behind that. So can he apparently.
Ba-dump-cha! Thank you, I'm here all week.
WHAT THE HOLY FUCK THAT WAS PENNYWISE?!? Ben does not harbor the same conflicting desires for Pennywise as I do it seems. That's probably for the best.
And there goes Henry. :( <-- sadface is getting too much use
"Why is It so mean?!" HAHAHAHA Bev. Really? In the cuddle with Ben she starts saying the same thing Pennywise did in his cuddle with Ben (Ben gets all the cuddles). And Ben freaks the fuck out. Rightfully so. Bill gets no action in this movie.
Wait, this is new. Ten years ago Mike went to find It. It gave him grey hair. I'm not sure what this new scene is accomplishing.
I zoned out for a bit, I think they're going after It. Yep, there they go. With flashlights again. Good boys. And Bev. Who's been pretty useless I must say.
ACK. Georgie's boat is creepy, and why are you standing over a drain? You know that's how It comes. Bill taunts It while continuing to stand over the drain because he is an IDIOT.
Pennywise shows up to taunt them, and I have a sneaking feeling this might be the last time we see him as the book ends with a giant spider, not the clown. Also a turtle. Please let there be a turtle.
Awww, Eddie fesses up to not being married (which he is in the book) and to being a virgin - which in the book Bev relieves him of. So I'm super confused right now. Also, Eddie dies doesn't he? This is all kinds of sad. {Note from the future: And pointless.)
Matte-painting of spiderwebs is interesting. Giant 80s effect spider is meh. Close-ups are better.
Bill gets hypnotized, Ben runs in to help and gets hypnotized. Richie makes the losers 0 for 3. I'm not sure where Bev went but Eddie comes to the rescue with his inhaler. Well, sort of. The spider kind of mostly starts eating him. But Bev shoots it. Not killing it. It runs away so they give chase (leaving a [dead?] Eddie behind).
Then they attack it with their bare hands and it's HILARIOUS. They pull out its heart and it dies. Yes, I'm not capitalizing it in this case because the spider is not It. Whatevs.
But they DO carry Eddie out of the sewers which is nice. It bugged me in the book that they left him down there.
Wait, the town didn't collapse on itself? That's bullshit. The idea that Derry is part of It was intrinsic to the book. Leaving that out makes the whole thing just, meaner, somehow. It means that the adults turned away because they were genuinely bad, that Henry Bowers was literally a psycho, that all of the murders remain mostly uninvestigated because the police are douches. This is not good cricket, movie version of book. Not good cricket at all.
But we do get the bicycle ride of hilarity which magically heals his wife for no discernible reason. Which means It has left me giggling rather than scared.
So that's nice.
WHY IS PENNYWISE LAUGHING AT THE END OF MY MOVIE? WHY ARE WE ENDING ON CIRCUS MUSIC? NOTHING IS BEAUTIFUL AND EVERYTHING HURTS.
I'm going to watch some My Little Pony now. Fuck this shit.
-------
My reading of It...
IT Part One
IT Part Two
IT - Intermission
IT Part Two (redux)
IT Part Three
IT Part Four
IT Part Five
18 May 2012
IT - Part Five
IT Part One
IT Part Two
IT - Intermission
IT Part Two (redux)
IT Part Three
IT Part Four
9:09pm - Home
Chapter 19
I like this move into new storytelling, with past and present bleeding into each other. It's interesting and I had been wondering how King was going to deal with two separate climaxes.
A lot happens here, in all timelines. Mike gets attacked and I'm impressed and overjoyed with how calmly he evades Henry. Bill and Bev cheat on their respective spouses - not that I blame Bev but for fuck's sake Bill. And Eddie gets attacked by and seriously injures Henry.
In the past, Bev is chased by her insane father. The hideaway if discovered. Bill leads everyone into the Barrens then into the tunnels because yeah that's a good idea. Who decided to make this kid leader. I like Ben's idea of 'Get the Fuck out of Derry' much better.
And why won't Henry just die already in either time?
----------
3:36pm - Home
Chapter 20
I don't like the fact that the only solid female character in this book is dumb as a brick, but I supposed I accept it. Only because by far the most sensible person is the only black character so I feel the good washes out the bad (and Why? you ask, Do I feel that a black person being sensible is not perfectly normal? Because King is a git who plays on the stereotypes, not to deconstruct them but in a way that says 'I'm aware of them and I don't give a fuck'.)
Into the tunnels they go, again, where Bev's husband has Bill's wife - but they only that Bill's wife is down there. And they don't have Stan or Mike (the sensible one! Why did it have to be you Mike?!) with them so they're chances of success are somewhere between slim and none but they go anyway with no memory of how they got out the last time.
Dumbasses.
----------
4:17pm - Home
Chapter 21
It gets It's own subchapter, It's own POV and It's scared and there's a Turtle I guess and the turtle and the It have been around forever because, yeah, that make sense I guess.
The power of imagination is enough to injure It, and kill It because it takes on the weaknesses of Its form which is a sucky asterisk on that power (although I'm not complaining in this case, just an overall observation).
And both groups end up in the sewers with It, in the present Bill confronts a giant spider and It's pregnant and OMG how did this not occur to me? There is nothing about this that is good and right and okay and I just.... WHAT?!
----------
4:47pm - Home
Chapter 22
Bill manages to seriously injure It as a child and even thought the turtle (wait, what?) warns him to finish the job his friends convince him to run away.
(A turtle? Really?)
In the present, Bill is overconfident and It gets the better of him, but Richie, of all people, steps in and takes over. Eddie gets an arm eaten off (how circular) and Ben takes on the task of killing all of the baby Its (where did these babies even come from, is there a male It? It says It's alone....) while Bill and Richie chase after to finish the job.
In 1958, the kids lose hope while running away and Bev fucks a sense of hope back into them and for the love of god I wish I was making that up.
----------
5:12pm - Home
Chapter 23
Bill rips It's heart apart and he, Richie, Bev and Ben escape - leaving Eddie behind in a move I find unnerving, like maybe one of the spiders is going to end up using him as food and grow up big and strong and make mommy proud.
It is so intrinsically tied to the town of Derry that Its death causes the city to partially collapse in on itself.
But at least It's dead.... although there is one final Interlude left and I don't trust this at all.
----------
5:21pm - Home
Fifth Interlude
They're all forgetting each other and on the one hand, I'm sad that they're all friends and won't remember. But on the other, I'm freakishly happy that they won't have to live with this forever.
Although... they all seem to take it as a good sign that they're all forgetting what happened. But what if it's It actually doing a full cleanup - and not just missing Mike? The people leaving, not wanting to come to Derry seem to undermine this... but I don't trust anything anymore.
----------
5:29pm - Home
Epilogue
Wait..... dafuq just happened?
----------
Review of It, the movie.
IT Part Two
IT - Intermission
IT Part Two (redux)
IT Part Three
IT Part Four
9:09pm - Home
Chapter 19
I like this move into new storytelling, with past and present bleeding into each other. It's interesting and I had been wondering how King was going to deal with two separate climaxes.
A lot happens here, in all timelines. Mike gets attacked and I'm impressed and overjoyed with how calmly he evades Henry. Bill and Bev cheat on their respective spouses - not that I blame Bev but for fuck's sake Bill. And Eddie gets attacked by and seriously injures Henry.
In the past, Bev is chased by her insane father. The hideaway if discovered. Bill leads everyone into the Barrens then into the tunnels because yeah that's a good idea. Who decided to make this kid leader. I like Ben's idea of 'Get the Fuck out of Derry' much better.
And why won't Henry just die already in either time?
----------
3:36pm - Home
Chapter 20
I don't like the fact that the only solid female character in this book is dumb as a brick, but I supposed I accept it. Only because by far the most sensible person is the only black character so I feel the good washes out the bad (and Why? you ask, Do I feel that a black person being sensible is not perfectly normal? Because King is a git who plays on the stereotypes, not to deconstruct them but in a way that says 'I'm aware of them and I don't give a fuck'.)
Into the tunnels they go, again, where Bev's husband has Bill's wife - but they only that Bill's wife is down there. And they don't have Stan or Mike (the sensible one! Why did it have to be you Mike?!) with them so they're chances of success are somewhere between slim and none but they go anyway with no memory of how they got out the last time.
Dumbasses.
----------
4:17pm - Home
Chapter 21
It gets It's own subchapter, It's own POV and It's scared and there's a Turtle I guess and the turtle and the It have been around forever because, yeah, that make sense I guess.
The power of imagination is enough to injure It, and kill It because it takes on the weaknesses of Its form which is a sucky asterisk on that power (although I'm not complaining in this case, just an overall observation).
And both groups end up in the sewers with It, in the present Bill confronts a giant spider and It's pregnant and OMG how did this not occur to me? There is nothing about this that is good and right and okay and I just.... WHAT?!
----------
4:47pm - Home
Chapter 22
Bill manages to seriously injure It as a child and even thought the turtle (wait, what?) warns him to finish the job his friends convince him to run away.
(A turtle? Really?)
In the present, Bill is overconfident and It gets the better of him, but Richie, of all people, steps in and takes over. Eddie gets an arm eaten off (how circular) and Ben takes on the task of killing all of the baby Its (where did these babies even come from, is there a male It? It says It's alone....) while Bill and Richie chase after to finish the job.
In 1958, the kids lose hope while running away and Bev fucks a sense of hope back into them and for the love of god I wish I was making that up.
----------
5:12pm - Home
Chapter 23
Bill rips It's heart apart and he, Richie, Bev and Ben escape - leaving Eddie behind in a move I find unnerving, like maybe one of the spiders is going to end up using him as food and grow up big and strong and make mommy proud.
It is so intrinsically tied to the town of Derry that Its death causes the city to partially collapse in on itself.
But at least It's dead.... although there is one final Interlude left and I don't trust this at all.
----------
5:21pm - Home
Fifth Interlude
They're all forgetting each other and on the one hand, I'm sad that they're all friends and won't remember. But on the other, I'm freakishly happy that they won't have to live with this forever.
Although... they all seem to take it as a good sign that they're all forgetting what happened. But what if it's It actually doing a full cleanup - and not just missing Mike? The people leaving, not wanting to come to Derry seem to undermine this... but I don't trust anything anymore.
----------
5:29pm - Home
Epilogue
Wait..... dafuq just happened?
----------
Review of It, the movie.
15 May 2012
IT - Part Four
IT Part One
IT Part Two
IT - Intermission
IT Part Two (redux)
IT Part Three
6:30pm - Home
Chapter 13
I almost never use the work 'epic' to describe something, but the rock fight between the six (seven including Mike) kids and the five bullies is epic. Does Bill actually know it is going to happen? Is it intuition, or the 'magic' that they keep talking about?
And something is wrong with that boy Henry. If nothing else, this chapter has made that abundantly clear.
Anyway, it seems like we have our Magnificent Seven together at last.
---------
7:58pm - Home
Chapter 14
I am enjoying that King is writing the group (dare I call them heroes?) as being both accepting of all that they remember, no one calls bullshit or 'we were just kids playing games' while at the same time you can tell that they're struggling to fit in their childhood experiences with what they 'know' as adults.
I'm not sure the logic of building their own lair underground, especially since they all know that that's where the monster has been hiding out. But they seem to be operating on instinct more than logic so I'll allow it.
When the photos come to life (Again! I hate that. More than clowns) and Pennywise ends up pressed to the plastic it's both unnerving and confusing. There is a sense that that's all that's holding him back - had the plastic not been there he'd have had them. But I have a hard time believing something so mundane could hold him back either.
Confusion, I has it.
---------
8:22pm - Home
Chapter 15
It came from outer space? And the kids do a smoke ritual that should have killed them all (wouldn't it have been funny if the monster had set all that up so they committed suicide?) but doesn't and it turns out that the monster came from... somewhere else. I get it's not from space, but from some parallel - but still.
Stupid.
---------
8:55pm - Home
Chapter 16
Mr King, I don't want any of your meta bullshit. 'If I was in a book it would be like this but it's not', I see what you did there and again, maybe because it's now such a trope, it's stupid and bugs me and whatever.
I'm trying to think if there was a confirmed sighting of the monster in here, not just Eddie's hallucination which were probably real but I'm not sure. The real villain here is Henry Bowers, and I do like of King sets up this monster, but then shows how kids are equally cruel. (Although I do think Henry is being pushed a great deal and not necessarily responsible for his actions.)
But the kids, especially Eddie, standing up to the grown-ups - who are as a whole realizing they can't control these kids - is fantastic.
---------
7:20pm - Home
Chapter 17
I'm not... what is King's obsession with male genitalia? I mean, yes, it exists, but I read 3-5 books a week on average and I have never seen this much dick across an entire six months.
The boys lighting their farts on fire, Beverly wondering about their 'things' - some light homosexuality. Although given what we learn about Patrick I find that sociopath who killed his baby brother and the kid who willingly jerked off a friend to be a dichotomy. And not in a 'well-rounded character' way, but in a 'what the hell are you doing Mr King?' way.
I think I'm supposed to feel okay that the monster kills Patricj because he's obviously a screwed up kid - but we only really just met him so I'm pretty meh about the whole matter.
I also just realized that King is pretty awful at sticking the "show don't tell" front. He flat out calls some characters crazy (and yes, they ahve crazy actions to back it up) but overall I feel like I've been told flat-out how I'm supposed to feel about many of these characters.
Anyway, the monster threatens them - they all hug... I think I missed how Beverly injured it. She does shoot one of the flying leeches (shoots it magically? Maybe?) but both her and Patrick smashed a bunch without it seeming to affect anything.
---------
7:53pm - Home
Chapter 18
So I thought this would be the final of the kids chapters, the confrontation, Beverly injures the monster (oh, now she does it, not last chapter... okay then) but it ends on a .... not a cliffhangar but a 'more to come'.
I suppose, if I'd thought about it more, I'd've realized that Victor was still alive - that Henery had not pursued team into the darkness that would drive him fully crazy.
But man, supernatural help or not, those kids have chutzpah to go into that house with nothing more than a slingshot. A house Ben at least was too fat to escape from if it all went bad. Jesus kid, that would have been my cue to GTFO.
---------
8:09pm - Home
Fourth Interlude
So..... I'm still pretty confused as to how this all works but I think I'm going to stay that way. How does It make adults go on killing sprees? What in the huh now?
----------
Continue?
IT Part Five
IT Part Two
IT - Intermission
IT Part Two (redux)
IT Part Three
6:30pm - Home
Chapter 13
I almost never use the work 'epic' to describe something, but the rock fight between the six (seven including Mike) kids and the five bullies is epic. Does Bill actually know it is going to happen? Is it intuition, or the 'magic' that they keep talking about?
And something is wrong with that boy Henry. If nothing else, this chapter has made that abundantly clear.
Anyway, it seems like we have our Magnificent Seven together at last.
---------
7:58pm - Home
Chapter 14
I am enjoying that King is writing the group (dare I call them heroes?) as being both accepting of all that they remember, no one calls bullshit or 'we were just kids playing games' while at the same time you can tell that they're struggling to fit in their childhood experiences with what they 'know' as adults.
I'm not sure the logic of building their own lair underground, especially since they all know that that's where the monster has been hiding out. But they seem to be operating on instinct more than logic so I'll allow it.
When the photos come to life (Again! I hate that. More than clowns) and Pennywise ends up pressed to the plastic it's both unnerving and confusing. There is a sense that that's all that's holding him back - had the plastic not been there he'd have had them. But I have a hard time believing something so mundane could hold him back either.
Confusion, I has it.
---------
8:22pm - Home
Chapter 15
It came from outer space? And the kids do a smoke ritual that should have killed them all (wouldn't it have been funny if the monster had set all that up so they committed suicide?) but doesn't and it turns out that the monster came from... somewhere else. I get it's not from space, but from some parallel - but still.
Stupid.
---------
8:55pm - Home
Chapter 16
Mr King, I don't want any of your meta bullshit. 'If I was in a book it would be like this but it's not', I see what you did there and again, maybe because it's now such a trope, it's stupid and bugs me and whatever.
I'm trying to think if there was a confirmed sighting of the monster in here, not just Eddie's hallucination which were probably real but I'm not sure. The real villain here is Henry Bowers, and I do like of King sets up this monster, but then shows how kids are equally cruel. (Although I do think Henry is being pushed a great deal and not necessarily responsible for his actions.)
But the kids, especially Eddie, standing up to the grown-ups - who are as a whole realizing they can't control these kids - is fantastic.
---------
7:20pm - Home
Chapter 17
I'm not... what is King's obsession with male genitalia? I mean, yes, it exists, but I read 3-5 books a week on average and I have never seen this much dick across an entire six months.
The boys lighting their farts on fire, Beverly wondering about their 'things' - some light homosexuality. Although given what we learn about Patrick I find that sociopath who killed his baby brother and the kid who willingly jerked off a friend to be a dichotomy. And not in a 'well-rounded character' way, but in a 'what the hell are you doing Mr King?' way.
I think I'm supposed to feel okay that the monster kills Patricj because he's obviously a screwed up kid - but we only really just met him so I'm pretty meh about the whole matter.
I also just realized that King is pretty awful at sticking the "show don't tell" front. He flat out calls some characters crazy (and yes, they ahve crazy actions to back it up) but overall I feel like I've been told flat-out how I'm supposed to feel about many of these characters.
Anyway, the monster threatens them - they all hug... I think I missed how Beverly injured it. She does shoot one of the flying leeches (shoots it magically? Maybe?) but both her and Patrick smashed a bunch without it seeming to affect anything.
---------
7:53pm - Home
Chapter 18
So I thought this would be the final of the kids chapters, the confrontation, Beverly injures the monster (oh, now she does it, not last chapter... okay then) but it ends on a .... not a cliffhangar but a 'more to come'.
I suppose, if I'd thought about it more, I'd've realized that Victor was still alive - that Henery had not pursued team into the darkness that would drive him fully crazy.
But man, supernatural help or not, those kids have chutzpah to go into that house with nothing more than a slingshot. A house Ben at least was too fat to escape from if it all went bad. Jesus kid, that would have been my cue to GTFO.
---------
8:09pm - Home
Fourth Interlude
So..... I'm still pretty confused as to how this all works but I think I'm going to stay that way. How does It make adults go on killing sprees? What in the huh now?
----------
Continue?
IT Part Five
13 May 2012
IT - Part Three
IT Part One
IT Part Two
IT - Intermission
IT Part Two (redux)
4:39pm - Home
Chapter 10
So the chapter opens and everyone makes their way into town. They sit and have lunch. The bring each other up to speed and reminisce. It has the feel of a reunion which it is.
Mike, the pure voice of reason who I just love, the lighthouse keeper who saw the storm coming and brought them all back, Mike goes through the details and I wonder just how much he remembers. It's obvious they don't all remember everything - and time and distance from Derry seems to pay into it.
So they talk and discuss the things they could never tell anyone else because it would make them sound crazy and they all, as one, decide to do the one thing they don't think they can. To kill It.
And just when I think this chapter is going to close on them walking out into the afternoon, perhaps with a "And only 6 of them showed at the library that evening" the whole things becomes macabre. Bugs crawl out, blood gushes, an eyeball.... that only they can see.
Does having children mean that you can't see the horrors of Derry?
I do know I will not be eating a fortune cookie in the near future.
----------
6:06pm - Home
Chapter 11
Holy shit.
Ben goes to the library where the clown taunts him from the upper decks.
Eddie goes to the abandoned fields where an entire baseball team of creepy accosts him.
Beverly goes to her old home where an old lady turns into every evil in the world (and it's a sign of how little I know horror tropes that it took me ages to figure out something wasn't right with her).
Richie gets attacked by a statue... again.
And Bill.... Bill gets his bike back? I don't trust this shit y'all. I don't trust it one bit. That bike is going to try to kill them, mark my words.
----------
6:36pm - Home
Chapter 12
Well that was... unexpected.
The monster seems capable of pretty much anything, so why does it need Henry (evil little bully Henry) around to do its dirty work? Why break him out of the insane asylum?
And Tom, you sick fuck, go home. You are going to die in the sewers or Derry and I am going to enjoy it. And for all of my talk about being uncomfortable being party to this sadisitc voyeurism I will enjoy watching you die.
Audra..... I hope you know what you're doing. Maybe you're the stand-in for Stanley?
----------
6:50pm - Home
Third Interlude
I'm... I'm a little nervous. With the shootout described in such detail, with the monster there carefully orchestrating it... what chance do our protagonists possibly have? Which goes back to my earlier realization that this book doesn't necessarily have a happy ending.
All books have happy endings, at least the ones I read. Your favorite character might die, there will be sacrifices, but in the end evil will be defeated and people will look into a brighter future.
I'm really starting to get a bone-deep depression that this book will not end that way at all.
----------
Continue?
IT Part Four
IT Part Five
IT Part Two
IT - Intermission
IT Part Two (redux)
4:39pm - Home
Chapter 10
So the chapter opens and everyone makes their way into town. They sit and have lunch. The bring each other up to speed and reminisce. It has the feel of a reunion which it is.
Mike, the pure voice of reason who I just love, the lighthouse keeper who saw the storm coming and brought them all back, Mike goes through the details and I wonder just how much he remembers. It's obvious they don't all remember everything - and time and distance from Derry seems to pay into it.
So they talk and discuss the things they could never tell anyone else because it would make them sound crazy and they all, as one, decide to do the one thing they don't think they can. To kill It.
And just when I think this chapter is going to close on them walking out into the afternoon, perhaps with a "And only 6 of them showed at the library that evening" the whole things becomes macabre. Bugs crawl out, blood gushes, an eyeball.... that only they can see.
Does having children mean that you can't see the horrors of Derry?
I do know I will not be eating a fortune cookie in the near future.
----------
6:06pm - Home
Chapter 11
Holy shit.
Ben goes to the library where the clown taunts him from the upper decks.
Eddie goes to the abandoned fields where an entire baseball team of creepy accosts him.
Beverly goes to her old home where an old lady turns into every evil in the world (and it's a sign of how little I know horror tropes that it took me ages to figure out something wasn't right with her).
Richie gets attacked by a statue... again.
And Bill.... Bill gets his bike back? I don't trust this shit y'all. I don't trust it one bit. That bike is going to try to kill them, mark my words.
----------
6:36pm - Home
Chapter 12
Well that was... unexpected.
The monster seems capable of pretty much anything, so why does it need Henry (evil little bully Henry) around to do its dirty work? Why break him out of the insane asylum?
And Tom, you sick fuck, go home. You are going to die in the sewers or Derry and I am going to enjoy it. And for all of my talk about being uncomfortable being party to this sadisitc voyeurism I will enjoy watching you die.
Audra..... I hope you know what you're doing. Maybe you're the stand-in for Stanley?
----------
6:50pm - Home
Third Interlude
I'm... I'm a little nervous. With the shootout described in such detail, with the monster there carefully orchestrating it... what chance do our protagonists possibly have? Which goes back to my earlier realization that this book doesn't necessarily have a happy ending.
All books have happy endings, at least the ones I read. Your favorite character might die, there will be sacrifices, but in the end evil will be defeated and people will look into a brighter future.
I'm really starting to get a bone-deep depression that this book will not end that way at all.
----------
Continue?
IT Part Four
IT Part Five
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